


Run for a Fall

by AlphaPockets



Series: Misadventures of the Mighty Nein [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Growing Up, Hook-Up, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other, Slow Burn, Unresolved Tension, established relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-08-09 22:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16458488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaPockets/pseuds/AlphaPockets
Summary: After the winter break away, both Yasha and Beau think they're over their foolish crush. While their group of friends continue to keep them in constant contact, both women try to move on. One focusing on the joy of being young and free, the other on accomplishing her degree and setting herself up. While denying themselves the one thing they want, jealousy and bad choices both set up and set back the pair as their friends watch from the side lines.Part Three of the Misadventures of the Mighty Nein.





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME BACK EVERYONE! This first chapter takes place in tandem with the last chapter of Here's To Us!
> 
> The main characters of this will be Yasha, Beau, Nott, and Cad, but the others will be very much there! I am excited to continue this journey with everyone!  
> Mood Boards: [Gents](http://ohdeerlord.insanejournal.com/9202.html) | [Ladies](http://ohdeerlord.insanejournal.com/9218.html) | [Side Cast](http://ohdeerlord.insanejournal.com/9675.html)

Beauregard grumbled as they bumped down the road in Jes’ jeep. It was always a car people were shocked she had. But in California or Florida with the doors and top off? It was perfect for the beach-heavy life they both lived. Now, the scent of ocean salt was replaced by French vanilla cupcakes, and the warm breeze was the stale, dryness of the heater. They were on the way to the airport for Molly. Not because Molly was landing soon, as he was currently a few hours west in a car with Caleb, but because he would not be around to pick up his friend or whatever he was. Molly was supposed to get the guy himself, but he had decided out of the blue to join Caleb and Fjord in Kansas. With him not landing a day ago, he could not borrow Yasha’s car as originally, planned, and now Cad was their responsibility. The newest member of their happy-day parade.

“So, why am I picking Cad up with you, again,” Beau asked without looking up from her phone.

“Well, maybe I wanted to spend more time with you.”

“We just spent three weeks together.”

Jester pouted and looked over at her sister. Beau just groaned and tossed her head back in mild defeat, but mostly for the dramatic effect. The girl tucked her feet under her body and looked out the window. She loved her sister, so she did not mind going around on errands with her. She just did not want to play errand bitch for Molly.

“Who even is this guy. We went from never hearing of him to suddenly he’s in the group text,” Beau continued in a sulking tone.

“Well,” Jester began in a thoughtful tone. “Nott added him. Apparently, she knew him first. Before Molly met him”

“Interesting way to tell the story,” Beau grumbled.

“Well he had to meet him before they got naked, Beau, that’s how these things happen.”

“Fucking why,” Beau groaned and looked out the window.

As copilot, she had been in charge of telling Cad when they were arriving. She had never seen the guy, but Nott, Molly, and Jester all promised there was no way she could miss him. Naturally, Beau had no clue what they meant until the jeep pulled up at the arrival doors and her eyes scanned about two dozen or so people. Among the average folk and odd student with their school sweatshirts on stood a man who put Fjord’s height to laughable shame. He could only be the one with a long, pastel pink side shave, pale and placid features, and dressed as a hip grandfather. When he spotted the jeep, a slow and toothy grin spread across his face and he walked to the car.

“Beau, he won’t fit in the back,” Jester prodded with her hands shooing her from the front seat.

“Jester, he won’t fit in the fucking car,” Beau shot back as she climbed out.

Now standing next to him, the girl could appreciate just how tall and strange he was. Like a pretty, giant, punk-gramps beanstalk. It was really weird.

“Hey,” he lazily greeted her through the easy smirk. “You must be Beau. Thanks for getting me.”

“Uh, yeah. You can get the front,” Beau replied jerkishly before taking his bags and tossing them into the back seat and following.

“Thanks,” he answered and patiently waited for his chance to climb in as well.

“How was the flight,” Jester sang as she threw her arms over the center console for a hug.

“It was great. A little turbulence, but it was just fine.”

Beau blinked. Was this guy stoned? Was he an alien?

“Well let’s get you home and showered so you don’t smell like airplane!”

Cad huffed out a laugh and took out his phone to text. Jester chatted away to make up for the silence coming from the other to. Cad nodded slowly in reply with that same smirk on his lips. His pale eyes would flicker over to Jester with calm happiness here and there. And all Beau could do was marvel that they finally found someone weirder than Caleb.

“Enough about California, did you have a nice break?”

“Yeah. I miss Georgia, but it was great to be home.”

“Uh,” Beau cut in, now feeling awkward having been silently gawking for ten minutes. “Where is that?”

“Chicago. Have you ever been?”

“No,” both girls replied.

“Oh, it’s nice. Very cold, but you would like it.”

Beau chewed her lip and listened as her sister listed off all the places she wanted to visit in her life. Beau texted the group, saying they had acquired the package and Yasha suggested everyone come over when they got settled.

 

Break had been good for Beau. She hated school and hated being so close to her dad. He liked Jester more, though most people did. After their little girl he had wanted a son. He got another daughter. The irony was that even though Beau turned out to be more of the son he had wanted, the man was not happy with her. If anything, it made him hate her more. Somehow the laundry list of mistakes and times she got in trouble was nothing compared to the news that his little girl was gay. If anything, it had been the proverbial nail in the coffin. Disowning her would look bad on him, so the man just grinned and bared it. Both preferred if he didn’t.

Spending time with their mother, however. That was nice. Being in California was always great. Their mom let them have fun without the tight leash. She and Jester drove to L.A., Anaheim for Universal and Disney, San Francisco, and even out to Vegas for a weekend. It was a nice escape from homework, essays, tests, and stupidly misplaced crushes holding her back from enjoying a truly college experience. A month away from Yasha and remembering just how much of a human disaster Beau really was gave the girl some rarely obtained insight. The person she was would fuck up a really good friendship and throw a wrench in what had proven to be a great group of friends. She had gotten over the woman, too. Well. Almost. Enough to redownload dating apps and use them.

It had caused a bit of a fight between the sisters. Jester had been Team Yasha from the start. But it seemed she was happy to switch to “Team Whatever Makes My Sister Happy,” after an annoyingly long heart-to-heart she hoped never had to happen again. That was why Jester was the best sister in the world, and she would do anything for her hyperactive menace of love. She would destroy the world to make that girl smile. And after a month of time with Jester and sunshine, she was sort of ready for five more classes, studying, and spending time with her adoptive Sister McSticky Fingers.

Day one away from Nott, Beau felt like she was destined to be an over-attached girlfriend. They were texting each other almost nonstop from the time she woke up to the time Nott fell asleep. She wasn’t used to being alone anymore. Even though her parents could have afforded to put her in the private dorms like Fjord and Molly had, she had been put into one with a single room with a bathroom attached. She spent the last few months with Nott in her pocket, so time without that was a shock. They had even called each other to take baths at the same time twice. Not that Beau would ever admit to anyone that she had become that attached to another person. She just literally didn’t do anything without Nott there if it wasn’t class.

Now, she was waiting for her roommate to say she was back with her eyes glued to the phone in front of her. She got interesting updates, as she was riding back with Fjord, but it had been twenty minutes, which meant she was now in a dead-zone.

“You seem really interested in your phone,” Cad commented as his icy eyes watched in the rearview mirror.

“Just missing my roommate.”

 

Yasha had been home and cleaning the house for a few days. She had brought Frumpkin to her parents when she did stay there. But having her own place meant it was not as convenient to stay over anymore. And as much as she liked having Caleb around, it was nice to be alone. Truly alone. She had not experienced that in a long time. School had removed her isolation. She could go on long drives into the bogs or forests, but there was nothing like sitting in the silence of her house with nothing but her own shadows to keep her company. The year thus far had been too eventful for Yasha to really process with others around. She had been the type to accept things and sort through everything later. But there was too much now. It was no longer the basic classes and new people. There was a sudden influx of people in her life. There was a lot more activity and spending time actively out and among others. There was an old sensation she had pushed aside and swore off until she was settled in her career. And it was something that Molly had picked up on, but thankfully kept his mouth shut over. It was his rare moments of being considerate.

But now, Yasha found herself oddly excited at the prospect of everyone coming over again. The silence was nice, but it had started to ache from within. The company and warmth that they gave her when the house was loud and filled with bodies was something like family. Like it felt Christmas morning with her cousins over her Nana’s place. She had not intended to find that bond with others, not after it had already formed with Molly and Caleb. But as the texts came in throughout the last days in the mass text about how everyone was excited to see each other, the bubbling happiness of everyone coming home swelled. She was not one to express it as loudly as Jester or as affectionately as Molly. She had no way with words like Fjord or even Nott. But she did what she could to express how much she had missed them. How much she felt their absence. She opened the doors to the apartment for everyone to come over when they dropped their stuff off.

The first to arrive, of course, had been Caleb. He had let Molly take the car to the dorms, as he would not fit into Fjord’s truck with everyone else packed inside. The redhead came in, looking rested and a bit flustered. Her head turned to look over the back of the couch and he waved before heading to the bedroom. Yasha let him settle and got out a soda for her roommate. He emerged again with his shoes and socks off. They looked at each other a moment before the smirk crossed their lips and the pair nodded at each other. They did not hug or have much physical contact. It was one of the many reasons why Yasha liked him so much. He understood her and never questioned it. He simply took hold of the soda and took a drink.

“You sure you want everyone over,” he asked lightly.

“I guess,” she replied with a shrug.

No need to discuss their holiday. For a pair that rarely spoke, they had always relayed what was important. They knew the key details of the other’s break, and that was it. A level of agreed upon privacy. It was a nice shift she could rely on, especially as the calm was due to be broken shortly. They ordered pizza and wings, as they knew the group was heading over shortly and took their place on the couch. Caleb’s lap was immediately filled with cat and Yasha smiled. She knew his cat missed him dearly. The smile on his face said he felt the same.

The next to arrive was Molly, beating Fjord, who brought Nott to her room. The mean came in with arms up and a devilish smile on his face. She did not see it, but she knew it was there. His arms wrapped around her from behind and he nuzzled his face into the back of her neck as he cooed his love for her. Yasha beamed while his attention was elsewhere but schooled her features the moment Molly shifted to look her in the eye. Or, rather, drop next to her with his legs splayed over her lap and head on her shoulder. Yasha just smirked and put her arm out to allow the man to pull closer in. he was the only one allowed to really touch her this way without warning. Jester was getting there, but it was still a shock when she did so.

“How are you, my beauty, my love, my peach pie,” Molly purred with a smirk.

“I am fine,” she replied dryly, though her smile was fighting for freedom. “How was the drive, Molly.”

“Oh, Caleb drives like a grandmother,” Molly replied despite Caleb’s undignified squawk of argument. “Really, there was just a lot of trees and hokey old towns.”

“That’s what happens when you go through the South, Molly. Things are not as metropolitan.”

Molly made a few mocking chirps in reply and tossed his head back dramatically. Whatever he was about to say was cut off by the door opening again and Fjord walking in. Yasha assumed he had used his own key as Caleb was in the bathroom. She felt Molly lift his arm up to wave, and she did the same. Fjord and Nott shifted into the living room. Yasha accepted an awkward side-hug from Nott, who immediately went on the hunt for the cat. Fjord simply bumped fists before dropping onto the futon. The doorbell rang again. This time it was the pizza, which Caleb brought in and set on the limited counter space. Fjord and Molly began bickering about the drive back and what they needed to get for the room as Nott joined them with Frumpkin in her arms. She sat next to Fjord, who scratched the cat’s head as he continued to list what they needed over Molly’s loud protests.

The pair baffled her more than any other in the group. They were a married couple through and through. She had known Molly for years and knew about Fjord for almost as long. But until meeting him, she had no real grasp for what he meant by the best opposite for the Bostonian. They were entertaining, at least. Finally, Yasha took pity on Fjord and covered Molly’s mouth with her hand.

Ten minutes later, there was another knock at the door. Yasha was on her way out of her bedroom with some games to play when Caleb let Jester, Cad, and Beau in. Jester all but jumped over the couch to pass out her hugs while Cad watched Molly with a patient expression. Beau simply stopped where she was and looked Yasha in the eyes before making a bee-line for Nott. There was a tightness in her chest now. Something she had forgotten would appear. She had gotten used to it when they were together all the time. While Beau was everything she avoided in a partner, male or female, there was something about the girl that made Yasha break her own rules. And there was always this unspoken air between them, like a thin barrier neither wanted to touch. Right now, it was heavy in the air as Beau’s eyes avoided hers, but she was glued to Nott’s side.

Jester was quick to snap the taller woman out of that thought with a tight hug. Over Jes’ shoulder, she saw the sympathetic look on Molly’s face. It was fleeting as he walked over to Cad and watched the man with an unusual amount of tension. Her eyes narrowed at the scene and she gave into Jester’s hug. Yasha only looked away when she saw Cad’s slow smile spread and his head dip down to kiss Molly’s nose.

“We should probably eat before it gets cold,” Yasha announced as she let go of Jester.

It was like a firecracker went off in the house. She and Caleb stood still as the rest of their friends scurried into the kitchen far too small for that many adults to squeeze into, all squabbling over paper plates and slices of pizza. She looked over at Caleb and they shared a private smirk. It was good to be home.


	2. Comfortably Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau is not avoiding Yasha, Nott is not worried, and Jester is not at all trying to play the middle man between three people she loves.  
> Not at all...

Nott looked up from the laptop when the door opened and slammed shut. She was not expecting beau to be home so early, as she had claimed to be going to the gym. While the normal girl, from what Nott had surmised from the chatter that happened over her head in class, went for a health 30 to 90 minute span, Beau had been known to be gone for hours and come back looking like she had been hit by several trucks. At once. Today, she simply looked more annoyed than anything, her face scrunched under the scarf she wrapped around her face and neck to keep out the biting cold.

“I take it your date with leg day was cut off,” Nott asked as she went back to her book.

“It was back day, but yeah, you could say that.”

Nott hummed in response and kept reading. She knew something was off, but she was not about to push it. Or, she was not about to push it at the moment. Beau was not really one to stay quiet about things. It was one of the ways the two sisters were alarmingly similar. While Jester was prone to telling everyone about things and with a certain lack of censor when it came to topics, Beau was more likely to voice her opinion loudly. It was entertaining to say the least, but sometimes it got the girl into trouble. Sometimes it worked in her favor, though rarely.

“Just trying not to linger too much anymore, you know. New Year’s resolution people thinking I’ll help them out.”

“Of course.”

She was not stupid. Not by a long shot. She knew who was probably there today, and it was why she ducked out early. The same person who had probably been why Beau spent so long at the gym just a month ago. Someone to impress but also someone who could keep pace with her. Nott had noticed when they were all at her brother’s how Beau seemed to keep two arms’ length between her and Yasha. For a moment, Nott had thought they had done something and it had gone horribly. But, considering the way the reserved woman was eying her roommate with confusion, that might not have been the case. And, through strategically poking Jester for information, Nott had discovered that Beau was apparently not crushing on Yasha anymore. Nott’s Private Investigation Unit had found that intel not entirely accurate. She was trying to not crush on the girl, yes, but judging by what Nott had observed? It was getting mixed results.

“What are you working on,” Beau asked with a flat tone. She was not really interested, but wanted to move away from the spotlight.

“Oh, you know. The thrilling world of college algebra,” Nott replied and flipped the page.

“Gross. Why do you need that for your degree again?”

“The same reason why we all have to take thirty-four general education credits,” Nott replied in a bored tone. “To make us well-rounded.”

“Do you plan on using any of that when you get out of school,” Beau asked. She now sounded playful and Nott looked up with an unimpressed eye.

“If I do, I will be very disappointed in myself.” She looked back to the book. “Don’t you have homework?”

“Probably,” Beau replied as she pulled her shirt off and tossed it to the side. “I’ll get to it eventually.”

Nott looked up again with her eyebrows arched before shaking her head and going back to her homework. She also knew that was a lie. Unless it was due the next day, Beau would not touch the homework with a ten-foot pole. She was not a bad student, exactly, but she was not exactly a teacher’s favorite from what Nott could see. If anything, she was one of the many forgotten faces in a crowd for the professors. Someone they probably couldn’t wait to leave and brain-dumped the next semester. Just as Beau did to them.

“What, I swear, I will. Look at me, getting my notebook from my desk like a good girl. Look at the good girl I am,” Beau mockingly announced as she dropped heavily on the bed.

“Beau, if you have a praise kink, please don’t drag me into it and do your homework. You mom added me on Facebook. I’d rather not deal with her if you fail.”

Beau wrinkled her nose and propped a few pillows behind her head. A comfortable silence fell between them, only broken up by the sound of pages turning or pencils scribbling. She still was not sure how they got along. Well, that was not entirely true. She knew that they were both unafraid to say what was on their mind, which meant secrets were rarely an issue. She knew when Beau was mad because her tactful ways spewed the comments like a fire hose of hate. Nott just did not have the time or patience to deal with it at all. There was not enough time and patience in Nott’s body to deal with pettiness and lying to keep peace. She saw enough of that when she was in and out of the foster system. Keeping things in was how people had meltdowns. Not airing out issues only made them worse.

The first few fights between them had almost ended with the RA showing up. When she did not know Beau as well as she did, the girl swore an actual physical altercation was about to happen. She would have been destroyed, of course, but she was scrappy. She had survived long enough to know how to fight if need be. However, when the flexing stopped, Beau seemed to realize she was not going to intimidate the smaller girl into getting her way and just stormed out of the room. She showed up later with a bag of snacks from the general store, half were the kind Caleb had dropped off for her the week before. It was an apology, she knew it. So she tried and failed to catch the bag tossed to her as a means of accepting it.

In their own way, they made sense. Sure, her roommate was loud, anything but tactful, and was as socially apt as a wet towel most days, but she was also loyal and clever. Nott was hardly better when it came to opening up and talking about how she felt. They didn’t really breach those topics. But by now, she had become pretty good at reading when something was off. And, when in doubt, she just asked Jester, who was more than happy to pass on the information.

“Sucks that we don’t have a class together this time,” Beau said after twenty minutes or so.

“I offered to take a class with you, but you refused to take history.”

“I wanted to take psychology.”

“I have to take that anyway, we can do that next year,” Nott replied lightly. “Promise.”

“If I don’t piss you off before then.”

“Beau, you piss me off daily. It’ll be nothing new.” She tried for light and teasing, but it fell flat. “I think Caleb is hosting a game night on Saturday. Think you want to go?”

Beau looked up from her notes then rolled onto her stomach so she was staring at the wall. That was answer enough for Nott, so she did not say anything. Not to Beau, however. She did send a message to Jester, warning the girl that her sister was acting weird and if she was sure nothing happened between Yasha and Beau. Once again, she got nothing in reply. Only that Beau had moved on. The way she was avoiding her own friend made Nott feel like that was not exactly the case. But she told Caleb that it would only be her heading over with Fjord and Molly.

 

 

When Caleb relayed that message and Yasha only nodded, she knew it telegraphed more than she meant to. She was disappointed. Of course she was. She and Beau were friends. Or so she thought. They stood on the edge of flirting and not most days. They had been friends, though. She was not acting like it now. Ever since break ended, it had been nothing but ice from the other girl. And now, when she normally was the first to agree to going over, she was the only one not coming. She knew the disappointment flashed in her eyes before she could look away. It was unintentional, but she had really hoped that maybe she was someone to get attached to. Affections were hard for Yasha. She rarely felt anything strong enough to make it worth pursuing. But with Beau? She had felt the curiosity.

And she hoped Beau saw she was getting interested. But maybe she was not looking for anything serious and Yasha couldn’t do casual. Or, more logically, there had been nothing there at all, and she was just getting hopeful. Now, she felt stupid because Caleb saw it and looked like he felt bad about it. Like somehow this had been his fault at all. So the woman made herself busy with getting dinner ready. While Caleb was back home, Yasha had been getting stuff for the apartment. Cookware and the like so they could stop ordering out and have actual meals. It would be cheaper. She had picked up food on her way home from the gym, where she worked as a part time counter clerk and a personal trainer. She was far from a chef, but she managed some decent chicken, rice, and vegetables. Clay had been sending her recipes for easy meals, and so far they turned out passable.

“What, ah. Are you sure you are okay,” Caleb asked gently, adding the water to the rice cooker.

Yasha looked up from the cutting board with a stern look before dropping her gaze back to what she was doing. No. She was not okay. But she was not about to start talking about it now. It was clear maybe Beau wanted new friends instead of her sister and roommate’s crew. And there was nothing wrong with that. Even if it stung. But she cut the chicken in silence, her face scrunching with each drop of the knife to the board.

Caleb seemed to accept the silence as an answer. He nodded and turned on the rice cooker. The man turned on his heel and sat on the couch where his books were all spread out. He had his independent study to plan for next year, and he wanted to submit his ideas soon so he could flesh one out enough to plan it properly. He had started it before leaving for Kansas and she had threatened him that if he did not leave the stuff at the apartment, she would set it and him on fire. Luckily, it worked.

“Are you going to tell FJord what we talked about,” she asked, hoping to change the topic.

“Not yet. What did Molly say.”

Yasha smirked and washed her hands. A she dried them, she replied.

“He says a three-bed is fine, but he’s still sleeping in the room with you two.”

Yasha smirked as she heard Caleb’s exasperated groan. Their lease was up June 1. Originally Caleb and Yasha were planning on staying in the apartment. However, with Fjord and Caleb looking more serious and both he and Molly wanting out of the dormitory, them moving in together seemed like a good idea. She told Molly in passing that it crossed their minds. Telling Fjord was a bit more difficult, as it was less of a friend things and more intimate. Still, she had no doubt they would be fine. And it was a nice distraction from what was going on in her life.

“Tell him he needs to pitch in for a king-size in that case,” Caleb replied over the shoulder.

 

 

Saturday started early. Nott had been picked up by Fjord and Molly around 4. Beau had been in the shower when they got there, and had been for twenty minutes. The girl realized her roommate would not be going after all, so she yelled in that she’d be back later. She fit neatly into the truck after Molly climbed out to let her in and they bumped along to the apartment as the boys bickered over her head. Normally, Nott would listen with interest as to what had the others all bothered that day, but she was focused on her phone. As if she thought Beau would ask them to turn around and grab her, as well. But the text never came. Only one saying Yasha and Clay had gone out to get food, as Clay was apparently cooking some kind of meal for them to eat rather than the usual order in pizza. Nott sighed and slipped her phone into her pocket and looked out the windshield.

Her brother and Jester were there when they showed up. Fjord opening the door and shoving Molly through unceremoniously. The blue hair tossed and bobbed from the other side of the couch as Jester spoke rapidly. Caleb, who was tall enough to have his face visible, was nodding politely with a small smirk reaching his eyes. When the door shut, both turned and looked at who was there. Jester stretched her arms upward and called their names out as she jumped to her feet. As if she had not seen them at some point throughout the week. Fjord pressed a gentle kiss to her hair before crossing to the couch and kissing Caleb. Nott found herself pulled into a crushing hug with Molly.

“I am so glad you two are here. Caleb won’t start any games until others arrives. Now you have arrived, and we can play,” she announced.

“Ooh, and what is on the agenda tonight. Strip poker?” Molly purred with a kiss to Jester’s temple and a sashay to the living room.

“Thankfully not,” Caleb replied. “In case you forgot, I have no desire to see my sister disrobing. I got the new Jukebox Games.”

“I can dream. What games do they have,” Molly asked as he dropped to the couch and draped his legs across Caleb’s lap.

“Drawful, Fibbage. Party games like that. It sounds like a lot of fun,” Jester replied, curling up next to Molly.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the door opened again. This time, it was Yasha with her towering figure and a black beanie pulled low over her head-one Nott was sure actually belonged to Caleb- and a black and dark gray plaid peacoat on and Clay with fuzzy, gray ear muffs and a matching scarf on, tucked into his own soft gray-green peacoat. In their hands were bags of groceries and soft drinks. When Yasha’s eyes darted over the faces, she gave short nods before heading to the fridge. Clay, however, let a slow smile crossed his face and he took off his ear muffs.

“If I had known everyone would be here, I would have started the pulled chicken before we left,” he told them in his slow, breathy voice. “I can start on the dip if you all want, though.”

“Clay is making seven-layer dip and his own chips!” Jester told them excitedly, her hand slapping Molly’s arm a few times.

“Need any help,” Nott asked from her spot on the couch. She could see the way his lips slowly quirked upwards.

“That’d be great. Thanks, Nott.”

Clay put the bags down on the floor, as there was no real room elsewhere, and took a flew long strides to the couch. He leaned down over the back and Molly’s shoulder. Molly struggled to keep a straight face as the long, pink hair fell over both their shoulders, but he gave in and pressed a quick peck to Clay’s pale cheek and became very interested in the frayed patch on his pant leg. Nott bounded around the couch to get out whatever she thought Clay would need. Cutting board, as there was only one, knives, which he said needed to be sharpened and promised to bring his knife sharpener during the week, bowls to put ingredients, and the pans. Nott got to cutting the avocados as Clay heated up the stove and got out his cans. One pot had water for the chicken to be boiled and another was filled with refried beans. 

“How has school been, Nott. Any bad teachers I should know about,” he asked patiently. His voice always reminded Nott of the kind old man who happened to always sit on his porch. Or like the counselor who actually cared about the kids they were in charge of.

“Not bad, I guess. No one really seems bad,” she answered honestly as she scooped out the avocado and dropped the remains into the trash. “I think I have my brother’s old teacher though.”

“You need any help like last time, you let me know. Don’t you worry about them trying to push you around if you got your paperwork sorted.”

Nott nodded. She saw the way Caleb’s head moved slightly. He was listening in as always.

“It is this time. I swear.”

Clay just nodded with his face relaxed in response. A silence in the room fell, regardless of the way the television had been turned up in the other room. Nott felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She took it out to see a text from Beau, saying she was heading to a party at one of the campus houses, and she would be home late. Something pricked at the back of Nott’s neck and she felt uneasy about Beau being alone at the party. But, she was here and Beau was more or less a big girl. So, she set a thumbs-up and tucked her phone away. She was still helping Clay, after all. After the food was prepped, the tall man shuffled her out of the kitchen so he could make the chips and not hit her with grease in the process. Jester held her arms out and Nott dropped onto her lap gently. The small girl easily tucked in when Jester pulled her close and they watched as Yasha, Fjord, Molly, and Caleb played Super Smash Brothers.

Around 11, after all the food had been eaten and they’d exhausted all the games a few times, Molly was calling it quits. He stood up with a stretch of his long arms and back and headed to the bathroom. Clay followed him, but stood outside the door and waited, most likely to ask a question. Fjord had already fallen asleep on Caleb’s shoulder. Yasha and Jester were cleaning up when Nott looked at her phone. She had a message from Beau. A few actually.

 **Beau (9:33):** Party is lit  
**Beau (9:50):** You should come with me next time’  
**Beau (10:15):** Yo won’t be home tonight  
**Beau (10:15):** Met someone here  
**Beau 910:16):** See you tomorrow Nott

Nott looked up from her phone and made eye contact with Caleb. He arched his brow and she could only chew her lip and shake her head. She was not telling him now. It could wait. Instead, she looked just over his shoulder, where Molly was smirking like he won the lottery as the pair walked back into the living room and announced they’d be heading out. Jester piped up from the kitchen.

“I can bring you home, Nott, if you want. Or you can come over my place and we can watch Disney movies!”

Nott knew that might be what she needed tonight. Worry about her friend’s bad choices tomorrow when she knew exactly what game Beau was playing.

“Sounds great,” she replied and smiled when Jester’s face lit up.

Beau was a big girl, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS WAS DELAYED!!!! BUT!!!!
> 
> I got my 10 page and 3 page papers in well on time. My NaNoWriMo is on-track, and I am finally back home on vacation! *throws confetti!!!* Once I get the last of my school work finished, you can expect this fic to get another chapter up soon to make up for the time gap! LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!


	3. Headstrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks into the new semester, and the M9 are feeling the strain of youthful needs to enjoy life. Nott feels stuck between two people she adores and Beau struggles with her new friends, old friends, and what was never supposed to be a relationship.

Nott was trying to be nice. She really was. She wanted to like the person Beau had been bringing around and acting like they were anything more than the truth. Two weeks ago, Keg, as she likes to be called for her apparent impressive keg-standing abilities, was a drunk hook-up. Since then. Beau seemed to have it in her head that they were something a bit more like friends. She liked to pretend she and Keg were not still functioned at the friends with benefits stage, though any time the gruff, stockier woman looked at Beau, there was an obvious desire to rip their clothes off and take each other right there. Not that Nott didn’t think Beau deserved that sort of attention. Anyone who asked would get a long list of reasons why Beau was the best. And it was not that Keg was not cool. Nott just didn’t know how to feel about her or the situation. It made her uneasy, as she knew that this was a rebound for the relationship that literally never happened. It was like Beau was pretending everything that was there between her and Yasha did not exist because she was not about to be tied down to someone who wanted a fulfilling and romantic relationship with dates and nights under a blanket and watching weird documentaries about old cultures.

It was like Beau was ignoring Yasha because it was easier.

Nott did not like having to pick sides on this. A few months ago, it would have been less difficult. She would have picked Yasha, as she was Caleb’s closest friend. She was someone Nott had always liked and got along with, even if they were not the most openly affectionate toward each other. Now, though, Beau had become her best friend in the school, and she did not want to pull away from either. As she saw it, the whole situation was putting a strain on not just her friendship with the girls, but the group as a whole. Everyone knew there was something going on between them, but no one wanted to point out the elephant in the room. And Nott was guilty with it, as well.

She was currently in Caleb’s living room with Molly, Yasha, and Fjord. Caleb was at work and Fjord had just gotten off his third shift at the non-descript coffee shop on campus. He was not happy about having a job on campus, but he also knew it was something better than no employment. Especially as the four of them, as in Caleb and the other three there not Nott, were planning on moving in together when the lease was up. Nott told Caleb there was a chance this qualified as moving too fast with Fjord, but apparently there had been a few discussions about this topic between Yasha and Caleb long before it moved to the couple themselves. And another few after that. It was good to know her brother was not a fool in love when it came to this. It was a lot healthier than everything that had happened between him and his friends

“So, not that we do not love your company,” Molly chirped from where his head laid on Fjord’s lap, “but you have spent a lot of time here than at the dorms.”

“Yeah,” Nott agreed in a flat tone and continued to scroll through her phone.

“You and Beau have a fight or something,” Molly pressed.

“Nope,” Nott answered in the same tone. “Just not a fan of her new friend.”

There was a heavy silence that fell over the room. It had been quiet before Molly spoke, but now it was just uncomfortable. Like she had finally pointed out the fact that there was this unspoken issue everyone needed to address. But she stared at her phone and refused to look up at Yasha. Not that the woman would have any expression showing she was interested in knowing what Nott meant. She’d have the same passive look as always while she typed away at her homework. She knew this, but it was still painful to feel. All eyes on her even as they pretended to not look up.

“She or he just an asshole?” Fjord asked to break the moment.

“I guess not, they’re weird. But they’re just into that party mode and I don’t want to be part of it.”

“And so, you trade in a solid college experience for the strange domestic place like this,” Molly mused. “You are as bad as your brother.”

“I take that as a compliment,” Nott quipped back. She knew Molly did not entirely mean it, as he was also laying around the apartment and not out partying. “Speaking of strange, where is the skyscraper?”

“He has work,” Molly replied, and Nott just hummed.

“If you need to stay here tonight, let me know,” Yasha finally commented in a tight tone.

“Thanks,” Nott answered quietly. The guilt hit her hard. “Beau should be out with Tanya and them tonight, anyway. If she comes back at all, it will be late, and I’ll be sleeping.”

Nott hated the fact that Beau went out drinking with others who were not old enough, staying out too late, and driving back. She knew this was going to end poorly. She felt it in her bones, and it was one thing she took with her from her family before everyone went to hell—she would always trust her gut. It had treated her so well throughout the system and high school that Nott knew it was a thing. Beau’s new friends Tanya, Ruth, and Duncan were trouble. They would get her into trouble, and Nott did not want to be part of it. And as much as she wanted to pull Beau away, Nott knew the other girl well enough to know trying would result in Beau being riskier to spite her. So, all she could so was wait. And hope she was wrong.

 

It seemed there was a good reason to worry, but it was not entirely their fault. Nott had been asleep for about an hour when Beau came into the room, covered in blood and staggering. Nott was normally a heavy sleeper, so the fact that she woke up at all was telling with how much noise Beau had made in her arrival. The banging moved from the front of the dorm to the bathroom. The sink started running and Nott caught a glimpse of Beau’s face in the mirror. The smaller girl was out of bed before she had time to process what she was seeing. But Beau has the forming marks of a black eye, a split lip, and blood crusted around her nostrils and by a gash in her eyebrow. Beau wouldn’t talk, but she let Nott clean her up after minimal arguing. After Nott shrieked enough in a panic, the tall girl just dropped onto the toilet seat and let her roommate fuss over her and clean the wounds. Her blue eyes were distant and glassy. She was not sure if it was from the hits she took, the alcohol Nott could smell, or another reason, but she kept cleaning. Her nose did not seem broken, but she was no doctor. Her gums and lip had stopped bleeding long before Nott got her to the desks.

Despite Beau promising she was okay, and no she did not want to throw up, Nott refused to let her roommate sleep. Just in case. It was not until the sun was starting to rise over the trees that Beau, looking tired with bags under her eyes to go with the bruise, began to talk. She sighed heavily and took her hair down from the top bun.

“I think I fucked up,” Beau admitted.

“I didn’t want to say anything, but,” Nott replied in a soft but sarcastic tone. She got a flat look for that.

“We were out with the crew, you know? Everything was fine, but Keg was there with her friends and she saw me and Tanya dancing.”

Nott nodded and tilted her head. She knew Tanya may be a party animal., but she had no interest in Beau or anyone. It was the only thing Nott had in common with the non-traditional party girl. They were both A-Gray for the most part.

“I guess Keg thought we were something else and got into an argument with Tanya. Shoved her, so I shoved back. I mean, Tanya is the same size as you. Keg could break her.”

“So, you punched?”

“No,” Beau replied defensively. She turned her head quickly, then winced at the throbbing it caused. “I told her to fuck off and she called Tanya a whore.”

“And then you punched her,” Nott’s words came out much firmer this time.

“Fucking right I did.” Beau groaned and put her head down on the desk. “Did I make it seem like I was going to take her somewhere for Valentine’s Day, or some shit?”

“Well, you two hung out for like… two? Weeks? After everything. Sort of, I guess.” Nott shrugged and ran her fingers through Beau’s hair. Her friend gave a soft moan and nudged into the feeling. “I take it you two are not exactly friends anymore.”

“I don’t fucking know. I mean, we weren’t friends in the first place, were we. We fucked and stuff, but I couldn’t tell you a thing about her.”

“Well. You wanted that college experience, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Widogast. Do you want to waste your one and moth ‘I told you so’ on this?”

“It’s the end of the month, I get a new one in three days,” Nott pointed out and continued to massage Beau’s scalp. “But as you look like someone took a meat tenderizer to your face, I’ll refrain.”

“So generous,” Beau groaned and turned her head, so she could look at Nott, who gave a small half smile. “I feel like shit.

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks. I know you have class in an hour because you’re a fucking freak of nature but think you could get someone to watch me or something. I don’t want you to be right about a concussion or whatever.”

“Or, I could have someone take you to the hospital. Those places where injured people go to get looked at?”

“You need to stop hanging out with Molly, you’re getting too sassy,” Beau snorted and rolled her head back. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll go to the fucking hospital. Dad can pay for the trip and bitch about it later.”

Nott knew Fjord was at practice and Molly was not even functioning for another five hours. Jester was always hit or miss, and Caleb had a lecture at the same time she had French. The only option was Yasha. She sent the message off, hating herself for it immediately. And she was hardly surprised when the woman said she was headed over immediately. It was a bitter taste in her mouth again as she helped Beau move to the main floor where Yasha was waiting with her arms crossed. Beau looked up at the woman before looking away and chewing her lip enough to re-open the cut. Nott just looked up at Yasha with an apologetic face and let out a small sigh.

 

Yasha had been silent the whole drive to the hospital, the whole time in the ER, and in the waiting room. Her arms had stayed crossed over her face and eyes locked on the far wall. The scowl on her face told exactly how unpleased she was with the whole situation. Beau sat next to her with her eyes cast downward and her body slumped into her chair with one leg bent and the other stretched in front of her. Her hands were stuffed into the pockets of her jacket and she tried her best to not look up. The annoyance and discomfort from her friend (former friend?) was palpable. She did not mean to upset Yasha. In fact, she had no idea if she had or not. Maybe she was just tired. But the way Yasha’s quiet was less peaceful and more sword’s edge? Beau had a pretty good idea of how unhappy she was with the situation. Either the injury, the hospital, or the fact that she was helping out someone who had barely spoken to her since the start of school.

What was worse was the pit of guilt and acrid feeling in her throat about it. Her insides felt heavy about how she had all but turned her back on someone she enjoyed being around. Even now, with the radiating anger, Beau wanted to bask in that attention. Yasha was unlike anyone she had ever met before. And even after the fun she had had over the last few weeks, it was like starting all over. In her joggers and oversized cardigan, Yasha was still better than any lass she could find at a bar.

The discomfort lasted the whole way back to the dormitories after the stop at the pharmacy. Beau was watching out the window with sunglasses on despite the clouds and Yasha was playing a horror podcast softly to fill the air, but not loud enough to hurt Beau’s head. Her hand was loosely holding the bottom of the steering wheel as she pulled into the parking lot and parked. Beau sighed and finally looked over at Yasha. Her lips parted in shock as she saw the woman was putting the car in park and undoing her seatbelt. Behind her sunglasses, Beau blinked slowly and stared long enough for Yasha to see she was being watched.

“I can’t let you pass out without someone here,” she replied firmly.

Beau just shut her mouth slightly and got out of the car. They walked together at an uncomfortably distance up the stairs and to the room. Yasha had brought her bag with her and put them on Nott’s desk when they got to the room. Beau awkwardly shuffled around the room, kicking dirty clothes under her bed as she went, to put the pills on the mini fridge and grab water for both of them. She handed it to Yasha, who was beside her, closing the curtains to keep the light out. She did not say thank you as much as she grunted and sat back down. Beau shifted the weight from one leg to the other.

“I like the blue you added to your hair,” she offered lamely. Enough for her to visibly wince at how it came out. It got a hint of a smirk out of the woman, so it was a balm on her ego. “Thanks. You know, for carting my dumb ass around.”

“What was I going to do, say no,” Yasha asked.

“I mean, yeah.” Beau answered with a shrug. “Been a piece of shit to you lately.”

Yasha sighed and put the book she had begun to read down on the desk. Her contacts were not in, yet, so they were dark brown and endless. Beau swallowed and looked back at her feet. Realizing she still had her sneakers on, she toed out of them and kicked the pair under the bed.

“You should lay down, Beau. The doctor said you should be fine.” And then Yasha picked the book back up.

“You’re here with me, I’m not going to conk out on you,” Beau argued weakly. “Unless this is about to be group nap time, I’m staying up.”

“You’ve been up almost twenty-four hours, Beau. Go to sleep.”

“No,” Beau snapped. “You’re up, so I’m up.”

“If I sit on the damn bed, will you lay down,” Yasha asked. Her voice was still soft and calm, but there was an edge to it. One that was commanding.

“I-uh…” Beau had no idea what to say.

She watched as Yasha rolled her eyes and got up from the chair. She crossed to the bed, climbed up and shifted to the wall, though she was sitting against the headboard. Beau blinked a few times, stared at Yasha, and then started a bit before moving. She pulled off her sweatshirt and dropped it onto the floor. It was weird, climbing into bed with someone she desired so much for something so… innocent. Still, she tucked herself against Yasha’s hip and let the larger woman pull the throw blanket Beau had for the Chargers over them. Her hand then wrapped behind Beau and rested against her back softly. And, as if this was a thing that they did every day, Yasha simply started to read her book. And Beau just stared up at her dumbly.

She must have drifted off at some point, but not for long. She was jostled as Yasha shifted to get her phone from the pocket Beau was covering with the arm that had slung over her waist. Beau looked up and blearily blinked. The girl enjoyed how Yasha seemed unaware that Beau had woken up and was now just observing. The way her face was so gentle and at peace. All the lines from stress or thought smoothed out. When the older woman moved to put her phone on the small set of drawers near the bed, she noticed the other one awake. It was a strange pained but peaceful grin on her lips.

“Told you,” Yasha commented as she leaned over to put the phone down.

Beau felt her heart flip at the way she looked so sure of herself. She always was, but this was different. A confidence and comfort she only really saw aimed at Caleb or Molly. Before she could talk herself out of it, Beau surged upwards and caught Yasha’s lips with hers. It was clumsy, dry, and a bit painful as Beau’s mouth still hurt from the fight, yet she was sure that she got what Jester meant about liking this stupid shit with Fjord when they were together. Panic flooded her system as Yasha froze up. The girl pulled back slowly and let her eyes look down at the bed. She could always blame that on the concussion, right? Head injuries, man. They were a bitch. Before Beau had strung the words together to explain what that was for, she felt Yasha’s full lips press against her forehead gently and her fingers play with her hair. Another low moan came from Beau and she all-but collapsed onto Yasha’s lap like a happy cat. A low chuckle came from Yasha.

As sleep tugged Beau back under, she wondered if she maybe could give this a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey guys! Sorry this took so long to come out. I was doing NaNoWriMo (I MADE IT!) and fussing with my finals (I PASSED MY CLASSES GUYS) while also being away from my writing station. DON'T WORRY The Misadventures are not dead. I will be trying to make up for lost time writing now that I'm home for you guys! Thank you, as always, for stopping by and I love your kudos, comments, and even mild interest!
> 
> ✼　 ҉ 　✼　(ꃋิꎴꃋิ) ✼　 ҉ 　✼　


	4. We Are Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha and Beau sort of have things figured out. And Nott spots the iceberg dead ahead.

Things were okay for a while. It was like it had been before break. The very next weekend, it was the eight of them piled into the living room Yasha was finally admitting was too small. They had a few months left on the lease, and she was more convinced than ever that the move was for the best. And she was not afraid to say she was looking forward to it. A year ago, Yasha had been uncertain whether or not Molly and Caleb would at all work together as friends. So, to look over now and see Caleb trying to do his homework with Molly sprawled over his lap like a dog forgetting its size was nice. Even better was how she and Molly’s best friend also got along, and they were moving in together. She was not worried about them moving in together. And for now, it seemed the group had been patched up again. Jester was sitting with Nott and Caduceus were on the futon looking through pictures Jester had taken for a project. And she and Beau were on the couch, as usual.

There was still some tension between them after Yasha took Beau to the hospital to get her concussion looked at. The issue was, they never really talked about what happened. Instead, they stayed there curled up together until Nott came back. Beau had tried to kiss Yasha some more, and she did not turn her way, but the younger girl ended up being too tired and fell asleep quickly. Knowing it was probably not the best choice then to have done it or to continue afterwards. Still, Yasha was not perfect and being handed something she wanted was hard to turn down. Once she fell asleep, though, Yasha saw how tired and destroyed beau truly looked. The guilt hit then, and it was only after a lot of awkward moments of Beau assuring it was fine did the woman believe her on it. It was clear that Beau was used to the casual flirting and physical activity, but not the tenderness of it all. When she woke pressed against Yasha that day, she jolted away and looked startled. The first attempts to talk about the kiss were thwarted by awkward silence.

They had only seen each other once more between then and now, but the texting was back. Not as frequently as it had been the semester before, but better than it was since January. Yasha had been no fool in getting attached to Beau in the first place. She knew the younger woman was not as old fashioned as she was. And that had been okay, until it wasn’t Yasha wanted her to herself. In a singular relationship. But she was also no fool and knew better than to try and bring that up. So, the woman turned a blind eye to the most likely staggering facts being presented. The chances that Beau was not still flirting and talking to others was low. But that was who she decided to dedicate herself to. It hurt, but he figured so long as she was not aware of every time she did something with someone else, Yasha would get over it. Having her here, lounged against Yasha’s body and talking, was a feeling that the woman had missed greatly. And she wanted to keep it around this time.

Not just for herself, but for everyone. With the absence over the last few weeks, the difference in group dynamic was staggering. Though Molly would not admit to it, even he missed Beau. Jester and Nott both felt off being there, even if neither said anything about it. It was heavy. Now, not so much. It was light. Comfortable. What could be considered a smile crossed Yasha’s face as she settled back into the cushions and continued reading while Beau chatted across the room to Jester and Nott. This was what she had wanted every time the group was invited over.

 

It was not exactly unusual for Nott to be brought back to the dormitories earlier than Beau. She had a lower threshold for human interaction. So, when it was six instead of eight, focus turned to the main four and their future of moving. The apartment they were approved for and on the waitlist for. Caleb and Fjord would have the larger of the rooms as it was for two people, but they would also pay more a month. That was fine, because now both had jobs. Caleb was now a key holder for the comic book store, and Fjord had gotten a position as a barista. The other two rooms were roughly the same size and were right next to the bathroom, so Molly and Yasha were not worried about who got which room. They were moving in on the first of June. And yes, there would still be the small parties over so long as nothing happens, or apartment rules become stricter.

The thought of not having these get togethers bothered Yasha more than she thought it would. The idea of not having her friends around often used to be freeing. Now, it was lonely. The woman still craved her alone time, and often spent time by herself. But now, these moments were becoming the high point of the week. Especially with how quiet the room was at the moment. It was silent enough that the long groan from Caleb stretching his arms and back out was clear. Beau winced when they heard a few bones pop.

“I have to open in the morning, so I am headed to bed,” Caleb told them in a rough voice. “Gute Nacht.”

He stood slowly and rolled his shoulders before giving a small nod. Fjord stood and made his rounds with half hugs for Molly and Beau, nodding to Yasha and Caduceus before joining Caleb in the bedroom. Molly sprawled out into the space they had abandoned and looked over at Clay, who was sitting in the chair that often got brought out during these nights.

“When did we become old and boring,” he mused before looking up at the ceiling. “This time last year, I was out partying on weekends and Fjord was coming to collect my drunk ass from River Street. Now, I’m half asleep after a full meal and two beers.”

“You’re fucking old,” Beau told him as she adjusted her spot against Yasha.

“I am the second youngest in this room currently,” Molly announced. “Caddy, here. He’s the old one.”

“Wait, after Clay, who is the oldest,” Beau asked. She turned her head and looked over at the other two then up to Yasha.

“Caleb,” Yasha answered after a long pause. She knew he missed a year of schooling with his situation in the foster system.

“Fjord was held back in kindergarten because he had trouble reading or something, so he started first grade a year late,” Molly added.

“Shut up, Molly,” Fjord called from behind the bedroom door. It only made Molly giggle and shake his head. “Ice Queen over there is a September baby.”

“Born three days before Molly. Making me older,” Yasha finished with a shake of her head. “Then it would be Jester, and you or Nott.”

“How old is Clay,” Beau asked, looking up at the presumably oldest of the group looking relaxed with tea in his hand.

“Oh, I am in grad school,” he replied in the slow rasp he always had. “Twenty-four this coming April.”

“Huh,” Beau huffed out. Her mouth looked as though it were forming the next question when Caleb added in:

“Nott is the youngest. She started school early,” as he went from the bedroom to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“Caleb, please, my virgin eyes,” Molly protested as the redhead was shirtless.

“Shit, you are pale,” Beau laughed.

“Ja, laugh it up,” he huffed shyly before shutting the door. Fjord emerged a moment later and glared heartlessly as he reopened the door.

Yasha knew why Fjord was annoyed and Caleb fled. Caleb hated his body. When she first saw him shirtless after moving furniture around in the apartment with no air conditioning units, he had been so thin his ribs and spine showed. It turned out he was not a big eater. Though he denied any actual eating disorders, Yasha both did not believe him and tried to encourage his appetite. He was still thin, but the frightful lack of size was now a thing of the past. And he was at least comfortable enough to walk around like that in front of his friends. She understood a thing or two about being self-conscious. Growing up, she had always been tall for her age, and not just for girls her age. Her dad was just shy of seven feet tall, and she did not take after her mother’s side in that department. She towered over her friends, and she was teased for it. Kids cough be mean, but Yasha got tough. She took her thicker build and height to become something different. By the end of high school, she was a varsity shot-putter and javelin thrower. Enough to get onto the college team. The lingering voice did not go away, saying she was a freak. She knew it wouldn’t, just as it didn’t for Caleb. That was why she shook her head and looked down at Beau when Fjord walked by.

“It is getting late,” Caduceus declared softly. “Beau, would you like a ride back to the dorms tonight. It’s on the way to my place.”

Beau looked up at Yasha with her piercing blue eyes. They stared for a moment and Yasha felt her throat get dry. She knew that she should shake her head no. Beau staying over was bad, especially when a week ago the other women had a, for lack of a better term, fuck buddy. It was spelling disaster. But she felt like she did not care. Like the impulsive side she ignored should get some chances to live free. She was young, still, and could have fun. Maybe fun could lead to something more. So, she nodded, and a devilish smirk crossed over Beau’s face. She did not break her the eye contact when Beau replied.

“I think I’m good, you guys have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Well, I promise I will be doing at least one thing you wouldn’t,” Molly replied with the face that was purely deviant. Caduceus smile smiled his lazy half-grin and nodded politely as he herded Molly out with his arm.

Beau kept watching as the door closed. Then, again as the bathroom door opened, the light went off, and two sets of footsteps retreated to Caleb’s room. When the door shut, Yasha suddenly felt like maybe this was not the best idea. That she should have said no. For every reason why this was a terrible idea, her mind supplied a few more reasons why she should go with the flow. The main ones being the look in Beau’s eyes, the way she was grinning, and the fact that she _badly_ wanted this.

“Let me lock up and put the food away,” Yasha told her with a nudge to get Beau off her lap. “I’ll meet you in my room.”

Those words seemed to be enough for Beau to get up and moving quick. She bounded down the small hallways silently and Yasha got up to pack away the snacks and to lock the front door. She took her time, turning off lights and the television, in order to get her mind settled. Still, she was no where near as calm as she looked when the woman got to her bedroom and found Beau peeling off her shirt and tossing it to the side. She was nothing but finely-corded muscles, tan skin, and grace. Yasha knew this. She studied the human body and had felt Beau’s body against hers. But seeing it was different. Seeing it made her freeze long enough for Beau to stop and look over. The grin was there again. The younger woman knew she was being looked over and appraised. She did not even try to stop Yasha’s movement toward the dresser and mirror when the taller one moved. She just watched and waited.

“Do you need to shower or anything,” Yasha asked in what she hoped was an even tone. She did not look at Beau, but instead took out her contacts.

“I’ll shower in the morning,” Beau’s reply was innocent enough. But the hint was there.

She turned and found Beau right behind her. Yasha was once more astounded at how quiet the normally loud woman could move. She and Nott would be a nightmare to try and listen for as a pair. But thoughts of the small girl were dashed as Beau ran her hands up Yasha’s arms slowly with her head tilted. Yasha swallowed as Beau leaned up into another kiss. This one was much more forceful than the first ones in the dorm. With more intent behind it. _Meaning._ And Yasha gave it back. For a solid moment, she kissed back with her hands steadily gripping Beau’s shoulders. But when the younger woman began to tug Yasha’s shirt upward, she froze. And so did Beau.

“Are you…”

“I-uh…” Yasha coughed and looked away. She felt the material return to her skin and Beau’s hands move away.

“We don’t have to… I’m okay with not. I just thought you know…” Beau sounded so unlike her. The stammering was almost shy. As shy as Beau could possibly seem.

If anything, it emboldened Yasha again. She shook her head slightly and pulled her own shirt off. And Beau watched with her eyes slightly widened. Like it was a second Christmas for her. Yet, her hands hovered not even an inch from Yasha’s waist as if waiting for her permission. The tall woman sucked in a breath and leaned forward. Not a half second after their lips pressed together, Beau’s hands reconnected with skin and started exploring.

 

In the morning, Caleb brought back Beau. It had been an awkward car ride, as the smaller girl looked like the epitome of the cat who caught the canary. If she and Yasha had not had such a hard time saying good-bye as they left in the morning, he would have been more inclined to be mad. But Yasha seemed happy when they left. So, Beau was safe. For now. He went up with her to give a book to Nott before leaving. And when the door clicked shut, Nott turned and narrowed her wide gaze at her roommate. Her hazel eyes sized up her friends for a moment with a half pout pursed to the left.

“What,” Beau demanded with a roll. She hopped up onto the desk and kicked off her sneakers.

“I mean, showing up with my brother ruined the whole ‘where were you last night’ I had planned,” Nott replied with her arms crossed. “Someone came by looking for you.”

“Yeah, who.”

“Keg,” Nott replied tightly. Beau froze and looked over with an almost guilty face. “Oh yeah, seems like she was under the assumption you would want to hang out with her again tonight. Despite being decked. I figured that would be a definite no. Unless I am missing part of the story?”

Nott knew she was. She was not an idiot. Two days after Yasha played doctor with Beau and Nott walked in on some kissing, only to leave again immediately for anything that was not that image, Beau had seemed a bit sneaky. She was sneaky and smart. Nott was more experienced in this game. She had learned a lot about getting information out of people or from observing. It was how she knew that three nights ago, Beau and Keg talked things out. And rather than in a public place where they were safe of any wayward fists, it was in Keg’s room. Because her roommate was in the computer lab looking annoyed.

“It was a misunderstanding we cleared up,” Beau replied and took off her jacket.

“Does Yasha know about these misunderstandings or will this be another one of those.”

Nott watched as Beau groaned and threw her jacket dramatically to the floor. She leaned against the wall and waited patiently with her arms crossed over her chest. Her brows arched when silence fell for a minute. The taller girl hopped off the desk and stormed to their mini fridge for some water and a stick of string cheese.

“She’s different, okay,” beau told her. “Keg is just a good time.”

“So, you will tell Keg that this playing around shit is over,” Nott asked. She knew the answer. Beau groaned.

“Okay _if_ , and this is a big if, Nott. If Yasha decides that yes, she wants to do the dating thing and asks, yes. I will stop the fucking around thing.”

“Why not ask her.”

Beau looked at Nott as though she had sprouted a few heads and scoffed at the idea. The way the girl acted made it seem like the idea was absurd. Which was already absurd. Then again, Nott reminded herself she knew Yasha fairly well. She saw the signs. They were polite and simple to others. She was interested. But it seemed Beau had missed that point. Nott hoped Yasha did not take whatever happened last night as the start to their relationship.

She needed a drink. Great, Beau at driven her to drink.

“I’m telling you, this would be a lot easier if you were a self-deprecated disaster,” Nott sighed as Beau pulled a strong of cheese from the stick.

“Know that thing with pots and kettles,” Beau asked rhetorically with the cheese hanging out of her mouth.

“Just know if you mess with Yasha, I won’t have to do anything about. She’ll kill you herself,” Nott warned and flopped onto her bed.

“I know,” Beau huffed with a laugh. “It’s so fucking hot.”

Nott groaned. Maybe two drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I don't have much to say, except I love all of you, and your affections keep me going!
> 
> An insight into why this moved faster than Here's to Us is not just it being the sequel but their playlist has some specific songs that play into Marisha's early descriptions of why Beau is not sure if she wanted Yasha early on. And, with any luck and you're help, this will be another 20 chapter fic. So. YEAH
> 
> ･✿ヾ╲(｡◕‿◕｡)╱✿･ﾟ:✲:おはよぉ～♬♫♬  
> xoxoxoxox


	5. What About Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a few days after Yasha and Beau finally start to get their act together, things fall through the thin sheet of ice it was all balanced on. Beau's self destructive habits and poor choices leave her feeling the guilt of her actions while she struggles with who to actually trust.

It was a long weekend for most of the world, but for universities, it was just another week. There had been a lot more demonstrations and open lectures, of course, celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. Something that Yasha was actively a part of since her first year. She was shocked that Fjord asked if he could help out and to see a few familiar faces among the normally empty seats that Monday afternoon. Fjord hadn’t been there, as he was helping out with a different event in the library and had dragged Caleb along. Rather than just Molly there, Yasha had looked out and spotted Jester, Bryce, and Darrow. It was nice to have people invested in her interests like this. Molly always had been. Though, the man was the type to willingly sit through anything if it meant his friend was happy. He had tagged along to countless poetry readings and author meet-ups in their short friendship. He did not have a single interest or personal connection to any of the topics outside of her, yet there he was. Now, with back-up. A part of her was not surprised with who had been there, though there was a small bit of her wishing others had shown up. Still, the message from Clay that morning while he drove up north for his own grad work with warm wishes was nice.

Seeing Beau rush into the room as she packed up the rest of the presentation was a mixture of emotions. She had a class on the other side of campus that ended not long before the speech did. And she clearly had tried to make it, if her ragged breathing said anything about it. She was also with the person who, according to rumors and Jester was her last hook-up, with her. Keg trailed behind with her surly frown plastered on her face and her cropped, red hair sticking out all over when she pulled her winter hat off. Yasha kept her trained, calm face as she greeted the two stragglers and called them over with a simple head jerk. She did not want Keg there, but she was not about to cause an issue because Beau was still friends with her. After all, they were not even in a talking phase of whatever everything had become. She was free to do whatever or whomever she pleased. Yasha simply wished Beau wouldn’t.

“I missed it, didn’t I,” Beau stated as her eyes looked around the now empty room. “Shit, sorry Yash, I tried to at least catch the end or something.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yasha replied shortly. It was true, the woman did not mind the delayed arrival. That was not what the issue was at the moment.

“How did it go, did you at least get a good turnout, or whatever,” Beau asked and stuffed her hands into the kangaroo pouch of her sweatshirt.

“Oh, she did wonderfully,” Jester replied with a clap of her hands together. “It was more people than I thought, too!”

“Helps that this year the humanities teachers assigned extra credit to attending one of the lectures today,” Molly added. “Whatever it takes, though, right?”

Yasha shrugged. She pulled her peacoat on and tugged her braids from the inside of the garment. Molly was right, even if people did not all show up without incentive, the fact that a message was coming out was important. Her lecture was on education in the inner city and the stereotyping of Black students. Fjord was doing something with Black authors. According to the group text, it was predominantly freshmen wanting a good look at Fjord rather than participating. Caleb and Nott had spent a good while sending actual comments they heard while sitting in the crowd.

“Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day,” Beau asked. Keg shifted her weight and huffed. Clearly she had not wanted to come in the first place, and she had no desire to stick around now.

“Not really. Just homework and the usual,” Yasha answered as she shouldered her computer bag. “We were going to get Boba and wait for Fjord and Caleb. You two can come if you want.”

Her voice was tight and strained. She caught the side-eye from both Molly and Jester. Beau seemed to catch the unease. The younger girl sucked her lip between her teeth and chewed for a bit. Yasha was convinced she was going to say no, but it seemed Keg caught none of the tension as she barreled through gracelessly.

“I fucking love Boba, where are you thinking.” Her voice was heavy and gruff. She sounded as though she smoked a pack a day for twice as long as her actual age.

“Just off River Street,” Molly replied for his friend. “Figure we’d go slum around the pizza place near the basement pub.”

“Uh, yeah, cool. That sounds cool. You guys leaving now or in a bit.” Beau’s words were short and punched. That mixed with how she could raise her eyes from Yasha’s shoulder showed the discomfort. As if she had been caught doing something.

“I have to drop my stuff off at the apartment, but after that. Maybe thirty minutes? It’s not rush hour yet.” Yasha kept her voice in the even tone she used with anyone she was not normally friendly with. The effect of the younger girl was clear as day.

“Okay. I can catch a ride with Jes, if that’s cool? Or something,” Her voice came out almost hopeful.

“I can drive you,” Keg offered. There was something genuine about the offer that almost offset how much Yasha did not want her there.

“Sure, I’ll let you know when we’re heading out.”

Yasha offered a strained half-smile before walking out of the lecture hall with her hand gripping her shoulder strap tightly. She heard footsteps behind her dropping too heavy for anyone other than Darrow. Part of her wished it was literally anyone but the man. She liked Darrow. He was a cool guy. But he also was the one who had been the biggest advocate for the woman to walk away from her attraction toward the freshman. And he knew he had proof of all his reasons standing in that hallway next to Beau. She ignored him as they both walked toward the double doors that led into the biting, winter wind. It was cold for them. The brisk, damp air clung to their bones more than a drier chill would. It was part of living in such a damp area on the ocean. While it got chilly in Louisiana, even Darrow admitted the cold snaps in coastal Georgia were a beast of their own.

“Don’t say it,” she warned darkly as the doors clattered behind them and they made their way down the stairs.

“I wasn’t going to say a word,” Darrow’s voice was deceptively light. “I don’t need to in this case.”

“I get it. You are always right. I should have listened. Can we just drop it and get tea?”

“I mean, of course. I know you won’t talk about it, as you are actively allergic to admitting your emotions are not just real, but actively effect your fay-to-day functions.” Darrow leveled her with his even gaze. He followed up with an over-the-top sigh and a toss of the head. “I don’t get why you are wasting your time on this, Yasha. Leopards and spots.”

“That phrase is not true, and you know it. How about pots and kettles, considering you’ve been chasing Jester since she and Fjord broke up.”

“Ah, yes. That is over with. I have admitted defeat. I have moved.”

“We are all very excited for you,” she deadpanned as she walked to her driver side door. With a heavy sigh through her nose she shook her head. “Get in, I’ll drop you off here after dinner.”

“Bringing me to make her jealous, are we?” His voice was pitched with a laugh as he slid into the passenger’s seat and shut the door. “Would only work if people knew, you know.”

“Stroking your ego will never be worth Molly knowing we have shared a partner,” Yasha replied dryly as she started the car and headed off to the apartment.

 

Inside, Beau was chewing her cheek as Keg walked ahead while talking on her phone loudly. She could feel the glares from both sides of her head, which was oppressive. It actually felt as though her head was going to explode from the combined annoyance and probable disappointment. What did they expect from her? She did not have a ring on her finger or anything.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Don’t bring the fuck buddy around. Can you two stop?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Shit, I thought at least I could get out that we just have class together.”

Beau knew she fucked up. She knew the moment she did not tell Keg no the second time. And the third, fourth, fifth, and even down to the eighth time last night. She was not the type of girl to being home to mom, and all their friends knew it. Hell, even Yasha had to know that. Yes, she realized her stupid crush was still very much around and in play. But they had not had any conversations after they got together. It was not a great idea to hook up with Keg the night after it all happened, but with the radio silence from Yasha and her personal panic over actually getting what she wanted, Beau fucked up. She fucked up bad, and she knew it. But that was what she did best. Mess up what was good for her and rather than fix it, she made it even worse. Even now, she felt the defensive reaction burning beneath her skin. The fight of flight response was tingling throughout her body and it made her sneer.

“Fuck, if you guys are just going to get pissy because I’m not your Lifetime, Hallmark special, I can just not go. Feels like it may be better that way.”

“Sorry we’re not jumping with unbridled joy that you’re jerking around our friend. _Your_ friend, Beauregard. It’s a dick move.” Molly’s voice was uncharacteristically cold. The normal lights in his eyes were missing. Even the red contacts seemed darkened with the comment.

“We just don’t think it’s exactly the best choice to maybe… hang out with people like her when you’re with Yasha. Or maybe just be like, ‘Yeah Yasha, I like you lots but maybe I am not really ready to be singular and I don’t want you waiting for me…’ so that way you’re on the same page.”

Beau huffed out a sigh and crossed her arms. She hated this. It was exactly why she just didn’t talk about things. She could feel the disappointment from all over. In herself, mostly. But Molly and Jester were siding with Yasha. Having her own sister turn on her in this moment was a slap. And while it should have hinted that maybe her choice was wrong, it just made Beau angrier. Her eyes flicked up to Keg, who was lighting a cigarette on the other side of the glass doors. Yeah, she was not perfect, but the girl was a lot of fun. After the whole fight at the club, she understood where she and Beau stood. They were not together in any capacity, but they could have fun. They could enjoy each other. It was easy to do—far easier than the feelings she was trying to not drown in. 

“I’ll talk to her,” Beau muttered with a defeated sigh.

 

But she never did. Not at Boba. Not after pizza. Not on the way home when Keg had to drive to work and Yasha was dropping Darrow off at his car. Not when they sat in her car outside the dormitories for a prolonged few minutes of silence. Every time the words began to form in Beau’s mind, she shut them down. She pushed them away and clung to her hold defenses. The fact that she broke everything she was given only made her want to keep Yasha far away from her destructive grasp. She was something precious. Far too good for someone like Beau to have. Which was why she was couldn’t get it out. The fact that Beau had wondered what it would be like to have a singular relationship with someone like the older woman. Someone who was sure of herself, confident, intelligent, and composed. Someone who never wanted or needed to go out and party to have a good time. Who found a night reading in peace as fun as when everyone was over playing video games. She watched Fjord and Caleb and wondered if that would be life with Yasha. And if she could be that reserved. Not go have fun and be her own youthful self. And if she was allowed to, Beau knew she was too stupid to not get in trouble.

Her hand went for the door handle when Yasha spoke. It was like someone filled the car with the icy air from outside suddenly.

“You two are,” was all Yasha said. It was enough to make Beau’s throat clench, her heart seize, and her head to feel light. Her hand froze in its path to the handle.

“We, uh… have.”

Yasha hummed and nodded.

“Before we…” Beau added, but her voice fell off there. Because it was also after. Almost immediately after. 

“I get it,” Yasha replied quickly. She did not sound convincing.

“I mean, we only have… you know. This past weekend. And…” And what, Beau?

She looked away from Yasha’s face and into her lap. And what. She had wanted to since October of last year? She thought about the older woman while with a few people over Winter Break? She was terrified to actually let herself become reliant on someone else? None of that came across as something to say.

“Was it the same for us as it is with her,” Yasha asked the steering wheel.

Her eyes did not have to move for Beau to feel the wash of guilt dump over her whole body. She knew. Somehow she knew. Her first instinct was to blame Nott, who was the only other person with that knowledge. There was no other way Yasha knew that something happened. What should have been guilt at turning to quickly to someone else was replaced by pointless anger. Feeling victimized by the gossip of someone she thought was her best friend. She sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. But any phrase Beau wanted to say were stuck. She knew Yasha was not the same as Keg. No one was like Yasha. But she was also not sure what exactly the woman was. So it was silence.

“I would have wanted something else,” Yasha replied. Her voice lost the timid feel it had before. It was replaced by something hollow. Dismissive. “I was hoping you did as well. But…”

Beau watched the woman shrug gently and shake her head. Beau felt like her eyesight was actually narrowing to a pinpoint with the feeling dread hitting her. She felt cold and her throat was like a vice. Her heart was pounding, even as her body felt like her blood had turned to lead. In all her time fooling around, she had never experienced this. And it was more than just alien. It was terrifying. She hated it. She felt as though she was crawling out of her skin.

“Can you say it could ever be just us,” Yasha asked. Her voice was stern. Resolute. It caught Beau off guard.

“Yasha, I—” Beau felt her voice rasp away. She couldn’t even look at Yasha, never mind say anything. This must be what Caleb felt when he had panic attacks, the woman thought to herself. It was horrible.

The coldest huff of a laugh came from her left, and it was the sensation of missing a step. Beau actually felt dizzy with how a sound could make her feel as though gravity shifted.

“I have to get home. I have home for class. So. Night, Beau.” Her voice had lost all warmth.

Beau finally looked over at Yasha to find the face she had grown accustomed to gone. The openness and kindness was replaced with the mask she gave everyone else. For the first time since Beau met the woman, she felt that icy personality that turned everyone away. And she realized suddenly that Yasha was shutting her out completely. Her voice was missing as she slipped out of the car and shut the door. Beau only looked back quickly to catch Yasha take a deep breath before driving off. Beau’s hands were in her kangaroo pocket as she walked to her room. She had a few things running through her mind. How she broke everything she touched. She should have never gotten attached. And she should have never trusted Nott with the information about Keg. Thanks to her supposed best friend, it was all ruined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I am not trying to make Beau out to be a bad guy! People can be young and dumb. >.>
> 
> LOVES AND HUGS AS THE YEAR COMES TO A CLOSE!


	6. Lonely Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau's anger and quickness to assume gets the best of her as she lashes out at the last person still in her corner. But how much more can Nott take?

Nott had been in her room with the books spread out before her when the door flung open. She had expected a bit of whining. When she, Caleb and Fjord arrived at the pizza place, she noticed how tense the air was. And that Keg was hanging out. But she also saw the way Yasha looked closed off and Beau looked like she wanted the world to open and swallow her up. So, upon Beau returning, the smaller girl was expecting to just hear her complain about everything. About how stupid this all was and how everyone was as asshole today. That they were all overreacting and it was stupid. What she got however, was the door slamming against the wall and then back to the doorframe. It was enough to cause Nott to jump from her seat and knock the book off the desk.

In front of her stood one irate Beau with her blue eyes just filled with rage. And Nott stared back bewildered. Because for all their bickering and arguing, the anger on this level was not centered at her. But right now, the crosshairs were focused on the small girl. And Nott felt the old tingle in her chest as the defensive side flared in a way it hadn’t since she was adopted by the Widogasts. She stood tall and set her jaw and eyes in a glower to match her friend’s.

“Did you fucking tell her,” Beau snarled out.

“Tell who _what,_ Beauregard.” It was not a question. Nott was not in the mood to be blamed for something.

“Yasha.”

Nott gave a hollow laugh and rolled her eyes.

“Seriously, that’s what this is about? You think I tattled on you to your big crush and now she’s mad at you?”

“I know you did, she fucking brought on the way home!”

“Do you not see where just _maybe_ you were in the wrong somewhere?”

“She fucking wrote me off just now because of Keg, so I hope you’re fucking happy.” Beau threw her jacket against the wall and glared at where the zipper scuffed the wall.

“One, I didn’t say anything, Beau. Two, what did you expect? Just to have people let you play around? Yasha doesn’t have time for your games.” Nott replied. Her voice lost the anger was slipped into something more like annoyance. She wanted to turn and get back to her homework, but she could tell by the way Beau was still poised for a fight that was not happening.

“What are you saying, I’m just not good enough,” Beau bit back.

Nott mentally thought that, in this moment that was exactly what she was saying. Though Nott knew it was her anger saying that and not truth. Beau was an amazing friend and a wonderful person. She had the potential of being a great, dedicated partner if she could get over her own reservations about emotional connection. 

“I’m saying you’re acting like this is outrageous that someone can’t _not_ be in an open relationship and wanted you to themselves.”

“And how did she even find out?”

“Are you not hearing yourself? Her finding out shouldn’t be the issue. The fact that you’re hiding it from her is, Beau. You should have told her that’s how you were from the start. _None of this_ would have happened if you just fucking opened up for once to someone.”

“I opened up to you, Nadia!” Beau screamed so loud the veins in her neck actually popped.

“I didn’t say anything, Beauregard. I _never_ say anything. Ever. You go around doing dumb shit you want hidden from Jester. And from Yasha. And from your mother. And I just keep my mouth shut and listen. And I’m there for you every fucking step of the way. I didn’t say anything before. And for some reason, I keep doing it.”

“You’re going to pin this on me, now?”

“You’re the one who came in flying off the handle over something you think you know.”

“I know you told her!”

“I didn’t tell her anything.”

Now Nott’s voice was getting strained as she screamed back. She knew their neighbors would be able to hear them. Normally, it would be enough to quiet down. The girl was not one to draw attention to herself. But with Beau so riled up, her blood was pulsing with rage. She didn’t care if they all heard. Then they’d see what Nott was trying to point out. She had not told Yasha anything. Even if she had planned on it, she would not have had the time. Beau’s paranoia and need to see people betray her was now blurring the lines here. And she was not going to get dragged down by it.

“Then how did she fucking know?”

“Maybe Yasha is an intelligent woman who saw how you and Keg acted. Or how you reacted to her seeing you two together? Or maybe she saw you? How the Hell do I know?” Nott took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. “Did you apologize?”

“What for,” Beau bit out. Nott balked at that.

“What fo- _Beau,_ you hurt her. Even if you can’t figure out where you went wrong in this situation, you still upset her.”

“She doesn’t fucking care about me. She just kicked me out of the car.” Beau paced a few times and glared at Nott. “What, are you taking her side on this?!” She sounded as though the idea was outrageous. Maybe it was in her mind.

“ _Yes!_ ” Nott cried out almost desperate for Nott to see her side. That just _maybe_ Beau was even slightly in the wrong. It was not the sleeping around. It was not the being young and having fun. It was the keeping it from Yasha she had an issue with. It was as good as lying to her. It was being mad that she couldn’t be okay with that.

“Of course you would. You’ve always fucking liked her more. I should have known you were picking side.”

“You know what-” Nott bit her tongue and lip as her nostrils flared. Her finger was pointed out from the sleeve of her sweatshirt she had been gripping. “You’re being ridiculous. You storm in here acting like it’s the end of the world that you got caught and tell _me_ I’m wrong? No. You can unfuck this one yourself, Beau. I’m done with this.”

Nott turned and grabbed her book from the floor and her notebook and shoved them hastily into her bag. She tossed it on and pushed passed Beau and flung the door open.

“Where the fuck are you going,” Beau demanded. There was a hint of fear and concern in her voice now, but the anger was stubbornly clinging to the words.

“Like you actually care right now,” Nott shot back with more venom than she meant.

It was enough to catch Beau off guard and for her to slip out of the room. Nott pulled the door shut and stormed down the hallway and toward the stairs. She had no real clue where she was heading. Anywhere but here. Her feet just carried her through the cold night. Of course, it was not the best plan. Her cheeks and nose were turning pink in the wind and her sweatshirt was not enough to keep out the cold. But her feet led her down the dimly lit walkways of the campus. Her mind was on autopilot as she put one foot in front of the other. Her hands stuffed into her pockets for warmth and only then did she realize she did not have her phone. Great. She groaned and debated heading back to grab it. But if Beau was still angry, she did not want to be there. So she kept walking until a familiar reddish-brown brick building came into view through the trees.

She picked up her pace through the parking lot. Mentally, she sighed in relief upon seeing the battered old truck. At least one of them was home. She dodged through the cars, hoping to stay hidden. It was only now, twenty minutes into her walk that she realized she was a small girl walking alone in the dark. Without a way to call for help. It was not her smartest plan. She was halfway through the parking lot when someone called to her. He had a deep, gravelly voice that made her feel uncomfortable. She kept moving with her head down now. But his voice called again. This time closer. A third time, the voice asked if she was lost. There was something just not right about the voice that made her cringe. Her head was still down when she walked headlong into someone solid. Nott jumped back and looked up to see Fjord looking down at her confused.

“What are you doing here,” he asked. His eyes seemed to scan for someone else such as Beau or Caleb with her. When he saw no one, Fjord looked back down at her. “Is everything okay?”

Nott just shook her. She felt the tightness of her throat getting worse. It was the strain of trying not to cry.

“Yeah, c’mon. Let’s get you inside.”

Fjord glared over her shoulder at someone before guiding her inside and up the stairs to his and Molly’s room. A few of the familiar faces that knew she was Caleb’s sister said hi or waved. She nodded coldly but was tucked against Fjord’s body. Nott was not stupid, she knew that had been a close call outside. Mixed with Beau flipping out on her? She was not in the mood to be social. Fjord unlocked the door and Molly looked up from the table. The smirk was there and then faded immediately. The man’s eyes, now missing the contacts, snapped up to Fjord with the worry on his face. It was only then that Nott realized she was crying.

“Hey,” the Bostonian tested. “Do you want us to call Caleb to come get you?”

Nott shook her head. She couldn’t see Yasha after this. She knew how the woman would take this. It would make it all worse.

“How about we just say you’re here, then,” Molly offered. He had gotten up slowly and crossed over to her. Once he was close enough, Nott’s arms locked around his waist and her face buried against his chest. The man looked over her head at Fjord who was putting the phone to his ear already and backing out of the room to call her brother.

“Can-” her voice cracked. “Can I stay the night?”

 

Beau stared at the door for a long few minutes. The silence in the room was painful. There had been so much energy in the room a moment before. It was as if the absence of Nott caused a vacuum. Not just in the room, but her as well. It hit like a wall. The one she had punched when the door clicked shut. That she may have just lost the best friend she could ever have. That she had fucked it all up. Because Nott was right. She was always right. She never said anything about what Beau got up to. If Beau asked for her silence, it was more secret than anything the government could try and keep. She had just laid out an insult to everything Nott had been for her throughout the year. She took all the trust and loyalty and threw it out the window. Over what? The fact that she lost the girl for once? That she couldn’t let someone in on a romantic level? What did that get her?

It got her a shut door and nothing but the hum of the fridge in the background. She had pushed away the best thing in her life because she thought Nott would leave first. She had wanted to hurt her. To prove her own point. And it was only now that Beau saw that Nott would have stuck by her side no matter what. She picked her side. Nott picked _her_ side.

“Shit,” Beau choked out as the tears started to well and fall.

She dug her phone out frantically to call her. After the first ring, she heard a buzzing from the desk Nott had been at. And her phone was lit up and zipping along the tabletop. Her heart was in her throat as she swore again and tore out of the dormitory. She checked the floors, the common areas, around the building, and in every direction for a few blocks before standing in the center of the street that turned toward the science and math buildings or their section of dormitory buildings. She was panting. It was mostly through panic than stress of running. She shakily called her sister, who answered in the usual overly chipper tone. The long silence told Jes something was wrong.

“Beau, what is it?”

“Do you know where Nott is?”

“No, Caleb took her home I thought. What’s wrong?”

“Jes. I-” Beau hollowly laughed and put her free hand to her forehead as she started to sob openly. “I fucked up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.... Guys the comments XD 
> 
> I love it, though! I'm glad you are feeling it. I promise, this is where the upturn starts to happen? This may not be the Christmas gift y'all wanted, but here it is! Thank you so much for this year, and I am excited to keep entertaining y'all. <3


	7. Perfectly Flawed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the fight.

Nott woke up with a long, warm body curled around her. For a moment, she thought she was back in her room and Beau had climbed into bed. They had done that a few times when Nott had a nightmare and woke up screaming. There was never a question on if she trusted Beau in those moments. All the small girl could do was cling to her friend and try to calm herself down It took a moment for her to realize the blankets were too soft, the mattress was not lumpy enough, and the room smelled distinctly like sandalwood and something a bit smoky. She opened her eyes and blinked the sleep from her eyes. It was morning and the light was starting to spill in from the windows across the room. That gave her a good idea of where she was, even before her eyes adjusted and she looked up. Wrapped around her was a sleeping Molly and her face had tucked up against his tattooed chest. His hands loosely held onto her waist and her own were snaked around his form. By the way her eyes hurt, she had fallen asleep crying.

In a wave, it all came back to her. The fight from last night. Showing up at Molly and Fjord’s room across campus after the guy started approaching her in the parking lot. She had no phone and needed to go back to her room at some point. She was scared to. It still felt raw, that Beau would be so willing to think she’d betray her like that. So willing to push her away just because Nott was trying to help. Helping did not always mean saying what someone wanted to hear. This was one of those cases, and it hurt to see how quickly a friendship became volatile. And, as her brain did, Nott was positive this was it. That Beau was just going to leave. People always left.

“Hey,” a gravelly tone muttered.

Nott looked up and found that Molly was awake. And that she had started crying again. She tucked her head into his body and Molly sighed. He pulled her close and rubbed her back. She was wearing a pair of his basketball shorts and one of her brother’s shirts he left in Fjord’s room. It was weird to think not even six months ago, she would not let herself anywhere near Molly or Fjord on her own, yet here she was. Not just calm but feeling safe. Wanting to believe that maybe they wouldn’t leave her, too. Nott shook a little and Molly rocked her gently.

“What’s up,” he asked gently. He cleared his throat in an attempt to chase the sleep away from his voice. “Want me to get up?”

Nott couldn’t answer. Not really. So she shook her head and curled in closer and squeezed her arms. She did not want him to let her go. If anything, it was helping to feel him there. Something solid. Who was there when she needed someone. He sighed and heaved her in close and pressed his cheek to the top of her head. She knew she had to get up at some point. She had class in a few hours. But for now, she was happy to hide where she was safe.

 

Beau stared at the door. She had gotten maybe three hours of broken sleep throughout the night. She was hoping Nott would come home. Jester said she would call when she found out where Nott was for her. She made it to Fjord’s. That made Beau feel worse, as that meant her best friend had walked across campus alone. And that she had been the cause of that. If anything had happened to her? Beau would not have been able to handle it. But she was safe. She was with people who would take care of her. People who were better to her than she had been.

She had charged Nott’s phone for her. Her backpack was ready for her Tuesday classes with the books and notebooks she had for them. Beau even made sure the snacks Nott normally packed were ready. If her friend wanted to not spend too much time with her now, Beau would make it easier. But she wanted to at least be in the room to see that she was okay. She doubted Nott would talk to her. Beau doubted she’d know what to say. But just getting eyes on her would make her feel better. It would at least drive home that nothing happened.

The talk with Jester last night had been painful. There was a lot of crying. She didn’t have it in her to yell anymore. She had done enough of that at Nott. But she told her sister what had happened. And for once, it was without her spin on the truth. She told Jester about what the fight was over. About how she had been knowingly trying to hide what she was doing with others from Yasha and still open to pursuing something with her. How she had told off Nott for being on Yasha’s side. How the fight was entirely her fault because she refused to see someone else’s side of the story. That she instigated it to get what she wanted and to upset Nott. And how she got what she deserved and not what she wanted after all. It came with a lot of apologizing to Jester. A lot of admitting that she was terrified more to lose Nott over this than anyone else. And more than anything, that she was wrong.

That all she wanted was for Nott to come back so she could apologize. But with every hour that ticked by, Beau was getting nauseous with nerves. She missed her morning run in case Nott showed up, and she was now wondering if there was a point to heading to class. She was beginning to bite at the corner of her fingernails and spitting the skin to the side as she the panic set in.

 

“You two up,” Fjord asked through the crack in the door.

He had just come back from his morning practice with the team. He had been up most of the night with Nott and Molly, then with Caleb on the phone. He had kept his word with Nott to keep everything between them for now. But he needed to explain to Caleb what happened because he knew Nott was her own worst enemy at times. Fjord needed to know what to look for in how she was reacting. The ride back to school was a lot of bonding between the two. Both being raised in less than perfect situations meant she was not always the best at handling it. And judging by the way she looked when she showed up, it was one of the not handling it well situations.

He and Molly got most of the story out of her. There were some things she still refused to say. Caleb explained that whatever she was keeping quiet was out of a promise to someone. Even after a fight, she would not betray trust. So the two men had to accept they would not know everything. It was not until two in the morning that they got the girl to settle down enough to sleep. Molly offered to take the couch so she had a bed to sleep alone, but Nott admitted she didn’t want to be by herself. That it may not be the right choice, so Molly told her they’d find her something to sleep in and she could stay with either of them. Nott picked Molly’s room, and Fjord spent the next hour texting Caleb, Jester, and Cad about her, letting them know she may be a bit off. He heard her crying through the wall and Molly’s hushed tones until they both drifted off.

“Yeah, we’re up,” Molly confirmed. He sounded exhausted. He knew none of them really slept. “Did you actually go to practice?”

Fjord shrugged and came in. Molly was sitting with his back against the wall, still shirtless from sleeping. Nott was curled up like a cat on his lap with her head tucked into his neck on Molly’s phone. They both knew most of Nott’s morning routine was read on her phone while she woke up. Her phone was in the room, so Molly seemed to have taken pity on her. Fjord watched them for a moment. 

“Bryce has some clothes here if you want to borrow them, or we can bring you back,” he told Nott, who was still looking at her phone. The sharp hiss from the girl told Fjord she was not really in the mood to spend too much time at the room. “You can pack some stuff and stay here a few nights if you want.”

Nott continued to stare at her phone with her grip tightening. Her wide, hazel eyes were looking a bit more manic than they normally did. It was not the normal uncomfortable Nott he was used to seeing. He knew the shy face. The sad face. The annoyed face. This almost looked scared. Which worried that she actually thought Beau would actually hurt her if she went back.

“I can go up with you, I ain’t got classes today, Nott,” he offered. He did have to work at noon, but that was not an issue,

“No,” she replied after a long pause. “You can just drop me off.”

“You sure?” Nott only nodded in reply. “Okay. If you need to come back over, you’ll text us, right?” She nodded again.

Fjord looked at Molly, who offered a sad smirk. He sighed and stepped out of the room to shower. He knew he was not going to get far with this. He did not like not being able to help. Nott had become dear to the man. He wanted to be there for her as she had been during the holidays. At least she latched onto Molly. He knew from a lot of firsthand experience that Molly was extraordinary in these moments. Honestly, Nott was in better hands with him than Fjord. So, he nodded and stepped out of the room to give them peace. He texted Caleb to say they were bringing Nott back to her room, but he was on standby so Caleb could focus on classes.

In the room, Molly nudged Nott from her spot. She knew she needed to get up. She did not want to. It was nice to have a place to hide. And really, the girl was shocked at how easy it was to be there. But there was a hint of guilt in the back of her mind. Her large eyes looked up at Molly’s which were still their natural color with the contacts out and his long Mohawk falling in his face with no product to hold it back.

“Will Cad care that I,” she looked down at the bed and swallowed. A warm chuckle and hug caused her to look up, confused.

“I told him last night you were staying here and we were sharing a bed,” Molly told her with a shrug. “He understands. Cad doesn’t get jealous and he knows nothing is going to happen between us.”

“Oh,” Nott quietly murmured. “Okay.”

He rolled his eyes and tugged her in for one last hug before climbing out of the sheets and wading to the door. She watched him move and marveled at how comfortable Molly always seemed to be in his own skin. Even in Kansas, she noticed he had little shame. They spent a few mornings together while Fjord and Caleb were slow to wake or in the middle of the night when they couldn’t sleep. He had been easy to talk to. Easy to turn to and talk with. Now, he walked out of the room while stretching out his back muscles. She watched has his peacock tattoo, geometric patterns, and the side of Funshine Bear shift as he moved. Nott sighed after a moment and stood up, grabbed her clothes, and shut the door. She’d shower at the dorm room if Beau was not there. After a moment, she stepped out and put the clothes she wore last night into the hamper.

“I think I’m ready,” she told Fjord. Nott knew her voice did not sound all-too convincing. All the same, Fjord nodded and stood up to get a jacket on.

Nott turned and looked at Molly. The man pulled her in again and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She exhaled a shaky breath and nodded. She knew he was there if she needed him. She knew they had her back. That she was welcome to stay there if she needed. She sighed and followed Fjord out the door with her head down. The drive was quiet. They sat in silence for a few moments when Fjord stopped outside the dorms. She watched the way his shoulders rose and fell as he breathed.

“Please don’t walk over next time,” Fjord told her in a serious tone. “Call. You have Caleb’s number memorized. Have him send me. Just please.”

“I know,” Nott replied quickly. She felt her cheeks heating up and her chest get tight.

“Last night could have ended a lot worse.” She only nodded and exhaled heavily. “You’re smarter than that. Try to remember that next time, okay?”

Nott nodded again. Fjord turned in his seat and wrapped his arm around her and pulled the girl in. He kissed her temple gentle and gave a huff that sounded dangerously close to a sniffle. When Nott pulled back, his eyes looked oddly still. The look of someone who learned long ago how never to cry. It was a look she got often. Nott reached out and poked his cheek where his dimple shows up.

“Hey, te queiro, Fjord.” She offered a small, hopeful smile and got one in return.

“Te queiro,” he replied. “Call me if you need anything.”

 

It was 8:30 in the morning, and Beau was losing hope. She had made a bowl of cereal and skipped out on her work out. No calls or texts from the rest of the group. She figured they all heard about it and exiled her. She would deserve it at this point. It was one thing to cause issues with her sister. Or hell, even Molly. But to go after Nott, who somehow became the lynchpin of the group? She just lost her group of real friends. And all she had left were her party friends. The ones that hardly cared about her unless it was time to drink and party. She’d have no one to turn to when she was stressed out about her homework or tests. No one to randomly walk around campus with just to walk. No one to talk to while she’s in the shower and Nott is doing something in the room and the door was open.

Beau dropped her head against the desk with a solid thunk. It was followed by the sound of the magnetic key turning the lock and the door clicking. The girl was frozen in her seat when Nott walked in. Her back was half-turned to face Nott. Both arms raised at uncomfortable angles. Her legs spread comfortably but coiled for a pounce to either run or hug. And her mouth hanging stupidly as she looked at her roommate. And for the first time since their first month together, she did not meet her eyes back. And that hurt more than anything.

“Nott…”

“Beau.” Her voice was short and tone almost distant. Hollow. Beau winced at it.

“I…” she froze and swallowed. Her mouth felt dry and like her tongue was too big suddenly. “Packed you bag for class.”

“Oh,” Nott replied. “Thanks. I guess. I’ll just. I’ve got to shower and I’ll be heading…”

Beau watched Nott awkwardly shuffle to her side of the room. There was no privacy in their layout anymore. They changed it around quickly once they realized how well they got along. Everything about the moment was tense. The way Nott stood. The way she refused to look at Beau. Her voice. Everything was muted. As if waiting for someone to snap at her.

“About last night…”

“No, it’s fine. Can we just?”

“No, I need to…”

“Let’s just. Can we not right now? I…”

“No, I really just need to…”

“Beau, I don’t want to talk…”

“I fucked up,” Beau finally cried out to cut her off.

She was standing now and her voice came out strained. For the first time since she came back, Nott looked up at Beau and took in how off she looked. Her sun-kissed skin looked pale and way. Her eyes were red lined and bloodshot from crying. Her lips were chapped and scabbed from picking and chewing all night. She was still in what she wore yesterday. She never even changed for bed. Nott threw the clothes she had in her hand on the bed and crossed her arms defensively.

“Yeah, you did.”

“I know. Look. I don’t have to tell you. You get it. That… you know,” Beau pressed the heel of her hand into her forehead with frustration. This time it was directed at herself. “Just waiting for someone to fuck off on you. And I figured it’d be better if just pushed you away before you could do it.”

Nott was not looking at Beau. She was looking just over her shoulder at the wall right behind her. But she also wasn’t stopping the conversation, so Beau continued.

“You were fucking right. Of course you were. You always are. Not. Not in a bad way. In that ‘I need to fucking listen to Nott when Nott says something’ way. Because chances are, it will fucking save me a lot of time. And trouble. And embarrassment. And pain. And it’s because you’re looking out for me.” Beau flopped against the desk and the legs squeaked in protest. “You’re the only one willing to fight me on things, you know. You never back down. And I’m not used to… that.”

“Someone willing to stand up to you?” Her voice was quiet but like ice.

“No. Well, yes. But no. You fucking care. It’s worth the battle to make your point. Just like you never say shit about anything if I ask you not to. And I used that and used it and never said anything about how much it fucking means. Because I was fucking dumb and took it for granted. I’ve been a shit friend to you.”

Nott just stared at the wall over Beau’s shoulder.

“And I deserve all the shit that’s been going on. And the fact that shit’s going to hell. But I never deserved you as my friend.”

Beau stared at Nott’s feet. Nott stared at the wall. And silence was heavy in the room between them. Outside the room, the sound of the other girls on the floor chatting filled the air. People outside getting in and out of their cars filled the room. But neither of them spoke. Beau was afraid to break the silence, and Nott was simply waiting for the other shoe to drop. The seconds stretched into a painful minute and Nott shifted.

“That all?” She asked quietly.

Beau’s heart sank, but she nodded and said, “Yeah.”

Nott nodded and picked up her things and headed into the shower. For the second time, the sound of a door shutting was more painful than anything she physically suffered in her life. To Beau, it was Nott shutting her out of her life. Yeah, it was weird, but they hadn’t shut the door for a shower in months. They called each other during baths over the winter break. And now, the door stood between her and her best friend as the water turned on. And Beau took it. Her eyes stayed locked on the particle board door with a frown etched onto her features and pain coursing through her chest. It took her a few moments to actually move away. The woman pulled off her clothes from last night and pulled on her sleep shorts and climbed into bed. Not like she was going to focus now.

She heard the water turn off and rolled to face the wall. A moment later, the door opened and she heard the fan kick on. There was a few seconds before…

“You’re skipping class,” Nott asked. The former incredulity snuck back into her voice at some point.

“Yeah, well. I didn’t exactly sleep last night, so. No point in going if I won’t pay attention.” Beau was being snippy to hide the annoyance and hurt.

“Attendance is still part of the grade, Beau. You’re going to waste one of your three freebees today. You have _one_ class.”

“Why do you care,” Beau snapped before she could stop herself. The room went ice-cold again. “Nott- I…”

“No, fuck you Beau. Get your moping ass out of bed and into the shower.” Beau felt the sudden cold air as her blankets were tossed off her body. “Yes. I’m mad at you. I’m hurt. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Beau looked over her shoulder at Nott, who was standing there with her hair up in a bun to keep it from getting wet and a towel wrapped around her tight. But it was the annoyed look on her face that somehow worked better than any expression her mother used to get Beau’s ass in gear. There was a half-minute of staring at each other before Beau started to get out of bed. She slinked over to her dresser, gathered her clothes and headed to the bathroom with the occasional glance over her shoulder. Not that she needed to. The feeling of Nott’s glare on the back of her skull made it clear she was watching.

By the time she got out of the shower, Nott was gone. She had a class to get to, so Beau was not surprised. She was, however, shocked to see she had a message written in her notebook from Nott.

_Go to class. Go to the gym.  
I’ll order Thai. We have a lot to talk about  
Xoxo McSticky Fingers_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we got through the toughest part! Yaaaay? >.> <.<


	8. The Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the fight between Nott and Beau, the pair work on their friendship. Beau finally goes out with the group again, only to find her sister has a new boyfriend. And he's not that great of a person.

Things were not okay, but they were getting there. It had been three weeks since the big blow up between Nott and Beau. They had made strides in getting back to where they were before the fight. Nott saw that Beau meant it when she said she was sorry. That she wanted to fix things between them. That she would work on being better. Beau had made good on a lot of it. She was not perfect, but the fact that she was even trying was enough for the smaller girl. Their talk about what happened took place of the better part of a week. A mixture of their more volatile reaction toward the incident and defensive habits made opening old wounds up difficult. And while they were not quite back to normal, it was obvious that things were better. Beau, however, was still staying away from the group outings. She knew she messed that up beyond repair. So, she was keeping her distance. Those were Yasha’s friends, after all. She could respect those boundaries. No matter how much she wanted to fix things there, as well, Beau had learned a valuable lesson: Listen to Nott.

She spent a lot of time on campus. She still went out and had fun with the party group. They still went to house parties here and there, but she was trying to work on herself. Beau went to the gym. She took up kickboxing and MMA. It was a better outlet for getting her frustration out. It was a far cry more productive than drinking the pain away. Sure, maybe getting punched in the face repeatedly to cover the emotional pain with physical was not the healthiest method. Still, it was better than alcohol poisoning.

In not being around, Beau somehow missed the memo that Jester had started seeing someone. According to Nott, it was mentioned in passing. But there was a distinct unease by Fjord. When Beau started on a small rant about how Fjord had no right to comment on who Jester dated, Nott cut her off quickly saying it seemed more like he knew the guy from the athletic department and he was a jerk. Which then made her wonder why her sister was talking to someone who was clearly not great. Then again, she could ask herself the same question. Only she was the jerk and Yasha was Jester. That was comforting. So, she sighed heavily and flopped onto Nott’s bed with a groan.

“What.” There was no question. Nott knew she was trying to get attention.

“You don’t think it’s weird that suddenly Jes is all heart eyes over this guy?” Nott shrugged in reply. That was helpful. Really. “I mean it, Nott. I never even heard of him before and suddenly he’s all over her Twitter.”

“To be fair, Jes is the kind to get invested quickly.”

Beau opened her mouth to argue. Defend her sister. That it wasn’t true. But her mouth closed immediately because it sort of was. When she started dating Fjord it went from zero to sixty in a week. And Beau always wondered if that had something to do with how Fjord had pulled away. Not that he did not like Jester. But that she was a lot more than he was prepared for. No one could blame him for that. Especially after seeing how easy it was for him to be with a calmer person. He was too reserved for someone like her sister. The woman was ready to tell the world about her hot boyfriend. Fjord had wanted to just enjoy the slow pace. So, she shut it again and gave a pained groan.

“We’re going to do karaoke tomorrow, why don’t you join us,” Nott offered. “Apparently, he is coming with us. You can meet him and maybe convince her otherwise.”

“Is Yasha going.” The silence was an answer enough. “I don’t think it’ll be okay.”

“If she finds out you are trying to spare her hurt feelings, she may ripe your arm out of the socket and beat you to death with it.” Nott replied dryly. Beau knew that should not be as attractive as it was.

 

Yasha had found out what happened through Jester. While Fjord and Molly were keeping tight lips on the situation, she had known there was just enough hopefulness that everything could be fixed in Jes to get the other woman to talk. She had been right about that. More so now that Jester was apparently happily dating someone. Or, at least she was gushing over him and Yasha was hoping it was a good thing. She loved Jester. She did. But the woman was too optimistic. She wanted things to work out and be good for everyone. Yasha knew all too well that it was not possible to always have a happy ending. Not for her. And not for some of her friends. She wanted them. She did. But she did not look at anyone and see a possible end game.

Even the couple to her left Yasha feared for. They had talked to the leasing office earlier that day and were approved for a three-bedroom apartment. There had been a tense moment before where Fjord and Caleb conceded it was best to not admit to the office that they would be the ones sharing the room. So, it was Molly and herself who were the couple. Though it was agreed upon between them, there was still a bit of unrest between the pair. It was one of her friend’s biggest fears. That Fjord would leave because their life was too complicated. That it would prove to be difficult. Fjord had said the same thing. Molly pointed out they never seemed to say it to each other as they waited for the inevitable fight over not communicating that issue. Still, they knew each other. They were mature and compromised with each other. Jes and her new guy Enzo seemed to have gone from strangers to engaged in two weeks.

“Nott says Beau is down for karaoke tonight,” Molly announced as he came out of the bathroom.

“I doubt it is to sing,” Caleb commented. His eyes looked up at Molly, who gave a shrug and dropped onto the couch and half of Fjord’s lap. One leg draped over Caleb, who rolled his eyes. “Jes said Enzo is coming so.”

“Yep. Time for Beau to chase away the new man,” Molly replied. “Or try to. What did you say he did?”

“He’s a lineman,” Fjord muttered. “He bullied the kicker into quitting last year and was suspended three times for un-sportsmanship-like conduct.”

“Meaning….” Molly pushed with a nudge of his knee.

“Meaning he’s a douche, Molly,” Fjord replied with a sigh. “He’s also the one who was creeping on Nott when she came over.”

“What-”

“You did say that-”

“Fuck, man.”

Fjord glared at his book. Yasha looked over at him and watched how his jaw muscles clenched. It was a habit the man had when he was literally biting back a comment or statement, He was pissed about something. And by the way Caleb and Molly looked at each other and dropped the subject, they knew it was not just the fact that he was a creep. And it was not an ex getting jealous now that his former lover was involved. At first, Yasha thought that had to be it. No one would really think negatively about it. That was normal. Even if he was happy with Caleb, sometimes that old flame does not die out.

“I think it’ll be fine,” Yasha finally replied. Her eyes cut to Molly. He watched her for a moment with an almost blank expression. As if he did not believe her.

“Sure,” he finally replied. There was that tinge to his voice. It was the tease of skeptical. Like he knew the slightest hint would be enough to prickle her nerves. And he was right, but she was not going to give him that satisfaction. So, she glared and turned back to the documentary they were watching on castles. They were meeting Jester shortly at the bar. And Caleb was picking up Nott, so it seemed like he would have Beau, now, too. She wasn’t bothered. She didn’t think she was bothered, anyway.

It had only been an hour into their group outing and Beau was already at the bar with her fake ID and a scowl. She was pretty sure she was asked to come mostly to get Jester to see what a terrible idea the guy was. When they had arrived, it was as if someone had muted everything that made her sister uniquely her. The bounciness. There was no hopping onto everyone for hugs. She even got nothing more than a quite side-hug and cautious questions about being there. Worse was the way Nott heard the guy talk and froze. She ended up sitting by Molly and Cad for most of the time in their room while waiting for their drinks and food. Not everyone sang, of course. It was mostly Jester, Molly and Cad. Part of her got the feeling this guy was bad news and she was missing the headline.

A chair squeaked next to her. Beau turned and was genuinely surprised when it was Yasha who sat beside her. The woman’s face was stoic as ever, but there was a tension in her shoulders. Beau figured it was due to her being there, which then why would she be sitting with her? She looked over at her and forward again a few times before sighing.

“I really fucking hate him,” Beau told her. Yasha scoffed in agreement. “Have you met him before?”

“No, she hasn’t been at many of the big hangouts. Apparently he doesn’t like that Fjord still hangs out with her.”

“Even if Fjord is dating someone?”

“Yep,” Yasha replied shortly. “From the sound of it, especially because it is a guy.”

“Fuck, dude.” Beau nodded at the bartender. “Put hers on mine. So, what, we convince her to leave him and threaten the asshole to go away or else?”

Yasha watched her for a moment, unsure. Beau sensed the uneasiness of the moment after Beau offered to buy the drink. But to her, it was the olive branch. She fucked up. And she is going to at least try to be a good friend like she should have been from the start. After a pause, the older woman ordered her drink and looked back over at Beau, who looked away. It feel like middle school all over again as they dodged glances. Yasha sighed and rubbed her temple.

“I’m hoping that works, but he seems to want to stick around.”

“I don’t know why she even went for him. He’s a douche,” Beau grumbled into her beer as Yasha thanked the bartender for her drink.

“Don’t you,” Yasha retorted. There was a bite to her voice that almost made Beau flinch and stop.

“No, I really don’t” Beau insisted.

“Attention,” Yasha replied. She leveled Beau with a serious look and a tense glare. “Molly and Fjord both now have someone. Those were the two who gave her the most affection, but now they’re taken and she is missing that attention.”

“So she’s jealous,” Beau asked. Yasha shrugged. “How can she be missing attention and not jealous?”

“I don’t think it was about someone else getting it so much as her not getting it. Like being homesick.”

“For affection.”

“Yes.”

“That’s jealousy.”

“Are you jealous when you miss home?”

Beau stared at her and then back to her beer. It was something she didn’t get. But she understood the desire for the attention. It was part of why she had enjoyed herself at parties. And she figured it was no surprise that her sister was the same way. It bothered her that there was perhaps a more damaging way than her method. Especially if the way Fjord glared at the man and refused to talk to him had anything to say about it. According to Caleb, there was some history there from the athletics department. Enzo was a bit of a jackass.

“I’ll try to talk her out of it,” Beau relented. She looked over at Yasha carefully and back to the bar. “How have you been otherwise?”

“I’ve been,” she paused and seemed to carefully think about what she was saying. “Not bad. Back into the swing of classes. We are good to switch apartments at the end of the lease and have everyone move in after finals. Should be good.”

“You, Molly, Fjord and Caleb,” Beau checked. Yasha nodded. “I’m sure that will be an adventure.”

“Barely any different than what I pay now, so that’s good.” Beau hummed in agreement and watched how Yasha looked away. It was as if she wanted to talk, but there was a wall there. One that Beau had thrown up with her love of bad habits. She was not loving it now.

“We should probably get back in there before Molly comes out,” Beau replied after a few seconds of silence. Yasha nodded and stood first. The taller woman placed her drink on the bar top and tossed her braids up into a bun and tied it off with a pair she left loose. Beau smirked at how flawless she made the whole movement look.

“I’m glad you came, Beau,” she told her in a low tone. “It’s not the same without you around.”

“Yeah? Things too quiet without me getting into trouble?” Yasha grinned at Beau’s reply.

“Something like that.”

Beau inhaled and hid her reaction behind the beer glass. She did not want to think about Yasha missing her. Even if just her presence. Her goal was to be a friend. A damn good one. Not just to Yasha, but to everyone in the Mighty Nein, as Nott started calling them. So, she pushed the flicker of hope down with the hoppy flavor of her IPA and followed. Pushing away the hope proved easier than she wanted once they entered the room again. It was like walking into a freezer, only rather than the temperature causing the undefinable chill in the air, it was how Molly and Lorenzo were glaring at each other over Jester, who looked mildly panicked.

 

This was new for Molly. Yasha had seen a number of different versions of annoyed and irked. But she had never felt the actual anger that Fjord mentioned once. But now? The lithe Irishman was glaring up at the man who had easily 100 pounds and almost a foot on him as if he had no sense of fear or, really, self-preservation. His eyes were narrowed with a fire that almost seemed to glow through his red contacts and the anger radiated off him. Above Molly, Lorenzo stood like his whole body was coiled to pounce on him if not for Fjord and Cad both poised to launch at the slightest twitch of a muscle. In the silence, Nott looked over and noticed the two standing at the door, frozen with eyes wide and jaws slightly dropped. The small girl gave a loud, obnoxious slurp with her straw through the ice. The echoing, wet noise seemed to snap the room from whatever pre-fight show almost happened. And while Enzo attempted to make a smirk on his face to play off the tension, it did not take the murderous look from his eyes. If anything, it looked predatory. Hungry.

Molly stood up abruptly and stormed out of the room. After a moment, Fjord looked between everyone and took after his best friend.

“The fuck was that about,” Beau asked Jester.

“Just a mis-“ Enzo began.

“I didn’t fucking ask you, I asked my sister. Jester. The fuck just happened.” Yasha watched how Jester’s gaze flickered up to Enzo and back to Beau.

“It was a misunderstanding. Molly crossed the line with a joke and Lorenzo didn’t like it.”

“Dude, Molly doesn’t have a line to cross. He lives on the fucking other side of the line,” Beau replied, affronted that someone would hate Molly for who he was. Yasha blinked, shocked to hear Beau defending him. “Get the fuck over it, man. You going to be pissed at Nott next for sitting on our laps? Caleb for having red hair?”

Yasha bit her cheek to stop the grin from happening. She walked over to where Caleb was frozen with his face pale. She dropped next to him and looked into his cool gaze. The bright blue looked dulled as if shocked. That was not a good sign. Her chest clenched and he tried to get his gaze to lift. When it failed again, she looked over at the rest of the group.

“Maybe we should call it a night. Seems the good times have been had,” she told them. A soft hum from beside her told Yasha that Caleb was thanking the woman for her insight. This was not good. “Nott, think you could drive Caleb’s car?”

“Yeah, I was going to come over after anyway,” Nott looked between Beau and Enzo. “Beau is coming, Jester, do you two want to join us?”

There was a silent moment that felt heavier than a normal moment to think.

“No, I think I should go home,” she replied with a tight voice. Yasha looked at Beau’s white-knuckle grip on the arm rest.

“Okay. We will see you tomorrow for our coffee date,” Nott replied slowly.

She looked up and Yasha then reached into Caleb’s pocket for the keys. He handed them over silently and stood. Nott looked at Yasha, who nodded. They would talk in the car. The smaller girl sighed and gave Jester an awkward side hug before dragging her roommate with her. Yasha guided Caleb to his feet as Jester and Enzo stood. Yasha eyed the man cautiously as he left, hand holding the back of Jester’s neck possessively. It was something that bothered her more in this situation than any time Fjord did it to Caleb. That was meant to be grounding. This looked more like claiming. She watched as Jester quietly waved to everyone as Enzo paid for their tab and left. Beau’s nose flared and watched him leave with a glare before looking at Yasha.

The drive back was quiet. Caleb was looking at his hand and picking at the dead skin. She wanted to hear what happened, but it seemed she would have to wait until she was back at the apartment. Most likely, it would be Cad telling her what happened. She pulled into the parking lot and saw Fjord and Molly talking, posted against the truck. Cad’s car was next to them, but the man was nowhere to be seen. He was not surprised to find him in the apartment. He was making tea for everyone and puttering around. His calm eyes looked up, pained, at Caleb and guided the pair inside. He handed the redhead his cat and turned to Yasha,

“What happened back there,” Yasha asked once she heard Caleb’s bedroom door shut.

“Molly was teasing Jester about her latest video,” Cad explained before turning and setting a few mugs down. “It was tame compared to what he normally says. I guess Enzo does not like anyone talking about Jester’s looks or her videos-“

“He… does realize she is a Vlogger and has a huge Instagram following, right,” Yasha asked as she placed strainers in each mug. Cad only shrugged.

“He made a comment about not liking her channel. Molly told him off and more or less told him off and it escalated from there.” Cad sighed and selected a nice, calming chamomile for them to drink. “And by the end of it, Enzo threatened Molly expecting him to back down.”

Yasha sighed and shook her head. Molly never backed down from a fight. Especially not when it came to their friends. And it was probably worse than Cad was saying. He was diplomatic. And probably aiming to not make her angry as well. The door opened again and Fjord entered with Molly, Beau, and Nott. Beau was looking at her phone, hand on Nott’s shoulder as the smaller one led her through the maze of an apartment. Molly was still seething and Fjord’s jaw was clenched. Her gaze jumped over each of them cautiously before looking back to Cad. The tall man only sighed again and pulled Molly against him. Molly didn’t hug, but he didn’t resist. If anything, it looked like he was just limp against his boyfriend’s chest.

“She make it home,” Yasha asked the group.

“She’s not answering,” Beau muttered from the couch. The comment hung in the air. It had been thirty minutes. More than enough for the pair to get to Jester’s apartment.

“Maybe they’re talking,” Nott offered. Her voice did not sound confident either.

“Where’s Caleb,” Fjord asked.

“His room,” Yasha replied, eyes locked on the back of Beau’s head. She heard Fjord put his keys on the table and his footsteps head to the room.

The kettle whistled in the awkward silence of the room. Cad’s shuffling filled the air while they all stood there. Then, Molly cursed. Yasha snapped her head toward him. He had moved to Fjord’ keys and was out the door. She froze.

“Molly-” tried. He got a slam of the door as a reply. Cad sighed heavily.

Yasha turned and watched the man put two of the mugs away. He then poured the hot water into the remaining mugs and put the kettle on a burner that was cooled off. He moved slowly and methodically with a tenseness to his shoulders and arms. Yasha looked over to Beau and Nott, who were also watching. She caught Beau’s gaze and pleaded with her eyes that she had heard from Jester. Maybe something to call Molly back before he made everything worse. The reply was a shake of her head. Cad sighed again and his keys jingled as well.

“I’ll go bring him back,” Cad told them in his usual calm voice. “I have a feeling we may need a bit more than tea for this.”

 

It was almost an hour before they heard from either man. It was Cad who texted. And it was Nott’s phone that lit up. They were sitting in near silence at that point with the television on but softly and no one talking. The girl jumped at the buzzing in her pocket and squirmed to fish it from her jeans. After a moment, she swore under her breath. Beau leaned over and read the text. Her jaw clenched and she let out a long, low growl.

“We need to go to the ER,” she told them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY EVERYONE! I am so sorry this took so long to update. I had classes and personal issues that came up. BUT!!! I promise this story is far from over. We still have a long way to go. And now that I have a break before classes again, I will make it all up to you all!


	9. Times like these

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Molly went to Jester's, the group was called to the hospital. They wait to find out how he is holding up and get the story of what happened out of Jester and Caduceus. All the while, Yasha is bent on not letting her emotions show.
> 
> **Trigger Warning: Description of Domestic Abuse and Battery**

Fjord was in the room now. It had been a production to get that even permitted, though Beau was not going to lie—she thought it was also a bit hilarious. The lot of them had piled into Caleb’s car after the call came in and the redhead had driven far more recklessly than his usual grandma stylings allowed. He was worried. The man was pale and shaking the whole way. Fjord was angry. Seething, even. He was in the front so he could at least have a hand on his boyfriend’s leg to steady his boiling rage. The man had burst into the hospital ER on mission, only to be told that because he was not family, he could not go in to see Molly. Cad was standing off to the side and talking to policemen. No doubt, they were talking about whatever happened. And while Beau’s ID got her information on her sister, Molly was a floating question mark for almost an hour. Jes had come out not long after, wrapped in a jacket that was clearly Cad’s and a few bruises and cuts on her face and arms. Beau had gone to throw up at that image. But she came out in time to watch Fjord storm out of the emergency room on his phone.

“Where is he off to,” she had asked Nott.

“He called Molly’s mom,” her friend replied as she rested her head against Jester’s shoulder.

And, thus, started the second half of the night’s entertainment. Not five minutes later, Fjord was back in the hospital looking smug as ever and requested the direct line to the nurse’s desk. A moment later, the phone rang. Judging by the way the nurse’s face paled and dread washed over it, the person on the other end was Molly’s mother. There were more than a few apologies for the misunderstanding and how it was not the way they normally conducted business. The others looked between them curiously as the nurse looked over Fjord’s ID and gave him a pass to head into the back. They turned to Caleb who had pinched features as he watched the scene and let out a shaky breath.

“I told him to have Mrs. Tealeaf call and say he was her adopted son and throw in the racism card on why she would not believe they were family,” Caleb replied softly.

That had been an hour ago. An hour of waiting on more news and trying to calm down Jester and get the story from Cad. From what Beau caught, the Bostonian had blown in like a hurricane to find Lorenzo holding Jester tightly by the arm and yelling at her. Molly had gone berserk at that point and cleared the couch to get between Lorenzo and Jester. The reason it worked was Lorenzo had tossed Jester into the bookshelf like a rag doll and gone for Molly instead. The size difference and training to fight had gone in Lorenzo’s favor, but Caduceus had been only a few minutes behind and let himself in when he heard the commotion. He had walked in on Jester getting thrown back again (she explained she had at least managed to get Molly out from under him). Caduceus had the sense to tell a neighbor to call 9-1-1 as he moved through the door and tell the police what was going on.

But the time the cops had arrived, a surprising sparse few minutes later, Jester was trying to keep Molly awake in case of a concussion after Lorenzo laid into him hard. Lorenzo himself was pinned under Cad’s long and powerful limbs in a choke hold. A few of the neighbors had given their testimony on what happened, the yelling heard before Molly arrived, and then what they witnessed when Caduceus had thrown open the door. Lorenzo was in another part of the ER under police supervision to be brought to jail for assault and battery, now. Jester was bruised and cut up, but mostly fine and curled into Caduceus’ arms. And Cad was looking into the middle distance at the swinging doors, his glasses with a large crack through them, and nose swollen after it had been broken and reset. Molly, however, was still unsure.

Beau looked at Nott and Caleb, both looking distraught. She knew Nott was very close to him, almost as close as Jester was. Caleb had grown attached both through Fjord and Yasha. The thought of the other woman made Beau realize she was not sitting with them. She looked around, worried, before spotting her unmistakable form looking out a window and into the parking lot. The younger girl noted the other four were being consoled the best they could while they waited. Yasha had removed herself. Maybe to not be an inconvenience in her mind. She rolled her eyes and heaved herself from the uncomfortable chair and crossed over to her.

Yasha’s features looked screwed in pain. As if she was trying to sort what she was actually wiling to process in public. It was something she was always amazed with when it came to the woman. She was so well put-together. As if she was not willing to let the rest of the world see she was human. That she was not willing to let the world get to her. But in that moment, the fight to stay composed laid her barer than if she had been openly crying over the ordeal. She was trying so hard to maintain that façade of invulnerability. She approached and cleared her throat to announce her presence. The reaction was like a swift punch to the gut. Yasha looked alarmed, embarrassed, and then blank. She turned back out the window and gave a long sigh. But she did not tell Beau to leave, so she figured that was better than nothing.

Beau slid next to her and mimicked her position with hands on the window sill before them. Her hand was barely two inches from Yasha’s, but she could feel the warmth against the cold air trying to push through the poor insulation and seeping through the tile. The silence fell between them. Just two people looking out at the amber and yellow lights in the cold, winter air. People walked by the window or their reflections showed from behind them. Cars passed. The clock not far from them ticked loudly, almost like impending footsteps up and down a hallway. Like the clock was waiting with them, as well. Beau’s eyes flicked up at Yasha to see the tears she was fighting back and looked forward again. But she let her pinky reach out and bridge the gap between them for a moment. It was nothing more than a brief touch of skin-on-skin. Yasha gave a shaky exhale in response.

A moment later, Beau felt the warm pressure of Yasha’s hand on hers. She refused to look over at it and make it weird, but when the woman’s fingers curled around her palm her own fingers responded in kind. They stood silently, only now doing so together rather than apart. Beau resisted the desire to cast one glance over at the woman when she felt a slight tremor and heard a choked sound. While Yasha wanted her there, she was not dumb enough to deny her that privacy.

A sudden murmur from where their friends were broke the moment. They both spun to see Fjord walking through the double doors. The pair shared a look and turned, breaking their contact, and headed over to see what the word was. Fjord looked over at them, jaw clenched but waiting for them to come over.

“He’s stable,” Fjord breathed out. “broken rib and collar bone, his wrist is a mess, but not broken, just bruised. Concussion. But they want to keep him overnight just in case.”

There was a collective exhale from that.

“He’s not really up to seeing anyone right now, but…” the sentence fell off there. Fjord looked conflicted. Like he would stay in the room with him if Molly said he could. And as he was not still in there, clearly that was not the case.

“I guess he earned the right to not want people seeing him right now,” Caduceus replied in a diplomatic tone. A few eyes looked at him before they all looked back to their laps or the floor.

“I- really don’t want to be alone tonight,” Jester admitted weakly from her spot in Cad’s embrace. He smiled down at her kindly and just pulled her in closely.

“Ah… let’s just all go back to the apartment,” Caleb offered. He looked up at Fjord, who clenched his jaw. “I feel like maybe… it will be better to have us all together right now, ja?”

His bright eyes looked over the group. Vague nods were offered, and Fjord’s hand found its way into his boyfriend’s grasp for a squeeze. Nott moved first. She hopped off the chair she had curled into and collected the various water cups and wrappers from vending machine purchases to throw out. After a bit of coaxing, Jester was pried from Caduceus’ lap to her feet only to tuck under his arm. Fjord pulled Caleb to his feet and buried his face into the redhead’s neck. By the time Nott returned, they were all in various stages of willing to leave. And one by one they trailed after Cad and Jester. Not right after them, taking the keys from Caduceus so she could drive his Prius. Caleb was after them and Fjord followed with his hand on Caleb’s shoulder, which was pinned by the other man’s own grasp. And then it was her and presumably Yasha following. It was only when the warm hand slid down her forearm and to her hand again that Beau knew she was actually there.

 

The ride was tense on the way back. Nott had driven Cad and Jester behind the Caleb. Fjord was still up front, though they were talking this time. Specifically, they were debating the bed frame they wanted to purchase when they move, as Fjord was not sleeping on a twin with the other man once they moved. It was not so much an argument as a bicker session, but the white noise was relaxing. This was the third thing the pair had debated animatedly since the choice to move in was official. And Yasha usually found it entertaining. Now was one of those times. It felt light again. While heavy and somber, it was like a window was opened in a stuffy, stagnant room. And the weight was slowly dissipating. Her hand found Beau’s wrist in the dark again. There was something about her being there. A physical reminder than someone was right there through it. She knew she had Caleb and Fjord. That, when everyone went home tomorrow or whenever, the pair would let her have her moment to process. But Beau was not forcing that. She was merely sharing the space with her.

They crammed into the apartment. Fjord got sleep clothes for Cad as Caleb fished out the extra sheets for the couch and the futon. Yasha gave Jester and Beau some sleep clothes. Nott had her own tucked away in Caleb’s room. With the two make shift beds made, the group looked around at each other.

“I’ll head out at nine to pick him up,” Fjord offered weakly. “That way he has a ride.”

“You have a lecture at one,” Caleb reminded him which got a groan. “I’ll switch out with you. But we should get your truck from Jes’ before that.”

“How about drop Fjord at his truck and then a doughnut run,” Nott offered as she climbed onto the couch and settled.

The couple looked at each other for a moment before giving matching, lazy shrugs of agreement. Nott curled up on the couch and burrowed in. Caleb and Fjord made their way to Caleb’s room and shut the door almost entirely to dampen the continuation of the debate over a full or a queen-sized mattress. Yasha looked at Beau while everyone dispersed and when she saw the younger woman look up, she tugged her hand gently toward her own bedroom. Her eyes begging Beau to not try and say no. Thankfully, she followed almost distracted or entranced. The futon groaned under the weight of Caduceus trying to curl up on it while Jester complained that his feet were cold.

“Stay,” she asked quietly. This time, there was no desire to do more than just enjoy the comfort of someone who wanted to be there for her. And something told her Beau knew that. That she agreed with the sentiment.

Beau licked her lips and nodded. The smaller woman turned and shut the door just enough to block out most of the nightlight in the hall but leaving it mostly open. Yasha turned and folded the sheets down on her bed and crawled underneath and held them up for Beau as she slipped in herself. And for a while, there was a gap between them that felt like a crevasse in the earth. A long, pained sigh came from Beau before she reached over and dragged Yasha in with a strength the women forgot Beau had. She got comfortable on Beau’s shoulder and tucked her head into her neck. She felt an arm wind around her waist as the other buried into her braids. And the silence fell over the room again.

Yasha listened as the tears silently fell down her cheeks, causing unmistakable wet marks on Beau’s borrowed shirt, as the sounds of the apartment echoed. The people next door watching a baking show. Someone outside sounding like they were unloading groceries. Fjord talking about prices, which she imagined meant the pair were now on one of the computers of phones looking at what purchase would make sense. And in the living room, Cad’s low baritone whisper rumbled along with Jester and Nott as they talked about something undiscernible. Yasha let out a sigh and tucked further into Beau’s neck, which got a comforting squeeze on her hip.

“Thank you,” Yasha whispered. Her reply was the chaste press of Beau’s lips to the top of her head, followed by the pressure of her cheek claiming the spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this plot is not dead! I am in my final few months of school which is insanely stressful. So, I am trying to get these out when I can. I love you all!!!


	10. Maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fallout of Lorenzo and Jester, the Mighty Nein move forward in their lives and try to heal. In the three weeks since that night, Beau has learned the importance of more than just watching out for her sister, but learning what it means to be a friend, have friends, and support others. She also learned maybe there is still hope.

“Do you think we spend too much time together,” Beau asked suddenly.

It was a Tuesday roughly three weeks after Jester and Molly had been brought to the hospital and Lorenzo had been arrested. He got out on bail. Jester had been able to break her lease due to getting a restraining order. They had spent almost a week straight together, the eight of them. Mostly at Caleb and Yasha’s apartment. Jester had moved in with Cad until they found her a new apartment. As a result, it had been as thought they were all in each other’s back pockets. Nott was looking up from her homework with a face that comically exemplified her confusion. And Beau had to review what she had said. After a moment, the taller girl rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

“Not _us_ as in you and me, but us as in like…” she trailed off and her hand motioned to a general group that was not there. Not fully there, but with Fjord now working at this café, it was enough of a point in Beau’s mind.

“I thought you wanted to study here,” Nott asked with her nose still scrunched up in confusion, Beau sighed and looked over at Fjord, who was now also confused.

“Yes. I wanted to study here, but that’s what I mean. I have seen more of Fjord in the past three weeks than I have the rest of the time I have known him combined.”

“I’ll try not to be offended,” he murmured from where he stood by the espresso machine. He had worked that station most because he was sick of the girls trying to flirt with him. But the managers knew he was still visible enough to entice people to come in and ogle him. She would have felt bad if it was not funny.

“You also don’t have to keep hanging around the apartment, you know,” Nott pointed out. There was just something in her voice that made Beau’s mouth snap shut and her eyes narrow. She was caught there, and speaking would only make it worse. So, she rolled her eyes and went back to her homework. A huff told Beau that Nott felt rather victorious in her point. That also did not help. The reason was simple. Nott was right. She did not have to keep hanging out with everyone at the apartment. And everyone knew why she was there. It was not like the group of friends had not noticed how, for the few days after Molly came back from the hospital to crash on the futon, Beau stayed in Yasha’s room. How the door never actually shut unlike that first night almost three months ago, now. Or the fact that Beau had shown up while Yasha was studying for her milestone with the tea she liked and some snacks in case Yasha had forgotten to eat.

Nott also was there the first night they stayed in the dormitories after everything happened. They had all taken turns crashing at various houses. The first time they walked from the cafeteria to the dormitories, they were greeted first by some of Beau’s friends who were genuinely concerned about Molly and Jester, which redeemed them in Nott’s mind, and then Keg. Who was not sure why Molly’s injury meant Beau would not be replying to messages. Nott had tried to stave off the fight the best she could with diversion and then answering the obvious questions—it was not just Molly but Jester who Beau had been worried about. And they were taking care of each other, as friends do. But when Yasha was brought up, Nott let Beau take over that argument. She had almost just been vulgar about it, but it was not fair to the woman or her best friend. So, she had been honest and raw about it. Yasha needed someone to remind her to take care of herself, and Beau was that person.

When that wasn’t enough, and Keg made it sexual, Beau told her what was happening between them was over and was never a thing. After telling Keg too bad, so sad, it was strange how free she felt. Relaxed, even. As if she had a weight off her chest. Two weeks and no real interacting with Keg aside from classroom moments had given Beau a bit of clarity she had not meant to receive from. A peace of mind. It was nice to not worry about playing so many games with people. About who had to know or not know what. Keeping track of her connections. Some of her friends were great and understood why her life had ground to a halt with helping Jester get through what happened and set back up her life. Hell, even some came over to the room to hang out in a more lowkey way. They had even done the classic movie night Jester wanted to go to because they all wanted to hang out with her, regardless of how.

It was nice to have real friends. It was nice to have people who wanted to be around her for who she was, even if Beau was trying to still figure it out. A lot of that had to do with the small girl in front of her scowling at her algebra.

“Are you dorming again next year,” Beau asked abruptly. Nott looked up with the pencil between her teeth.

“Yes,” she replied slowly in a way that made Beau question if they had spoken about this already. She was convinced, however, she had only just received an email about the new pricing yesterday, so that was not possible

“Our dorm is staying the same price, if you are not looking to upgrade or get a studio or something.” Beau aimed for casual, but the smirk on Nott’s face and the eyeroll made her realize she had missed the mark by a bit.

“You really have to ask that,” Nott’s tone was ringing with exasperation. Beau felt her face heat up. Not too long ago, they were still trying to fix the blowup from Martin Luther King weekend. She smirked and gave a lazy shrug.

“I figured I should in case you found someone to be less cool with,” Beau replied with her face still fighting to smile. “I have a long list of people hoping for that spot, you know.”

“Oh, I have no doubt,” Nott shot back playfully and looked back to her homework. “Beau, if you ever tell me you want to shrink your porch by one-twenty fifth the dimensions I may bury you beneath it and call it a day.”

“If I have a porch, it’s probably a house we’d have to own,” Beau muttered and looked back to her Geography homework.

“We,” Nott replied. “What makes you think even we could afford a house.”

“I mean, we could rent a house with like. I don’t know. Someone else.”

“No, we can’t we don’t know anyone we’d want to live with. Even hypothetically it won’t work.”

“Way to rain on my parade,” she replied without any actual tone to it.

“What if I spot for ice cream later?”

Beau rolled her eyes and swung her leg at Nott. It tapped against her shin. A silence hung back in the air between them for a moment. People wandered by as they both scratched away at their workbooks. Why they still had so much physical homework was beyond her. So much of this could easily be done with some online program. No way a teacher _actually_ preferred to sit there and hand grade papers rather than just let some program test for it. And it was homework, so it was not like it was closed-book or anything.

“Hey,” a voice came from over her shoulder. Beau looked up and saw Yasha standing over her hair out of their braids for once. She had an appointment later that week, but with how stressed she had been with everything, the woman had taken her hair out to release the tension. Beau tried to arrange her face in a way that was not overly shocked or happy to see the other woman.

“Hey,” she replied. The tug of her cheeks meant Beau had failed on looking nonchalant, but the returned smile was worth it.

“Mind if I join you guys,” it was only now that Beau noticed she had a cup and pastry bag in her hand. Nott nudged the chair out from where it was under the table beside Beau with her foot but was still scratching away at her homework. Beau shrugged and Yasha took her spot. 

“How did your lecture go today,” Beau asked. Last night Yasha had complained that the guest speaker she had was reportedly a bit off-color in his discussions. There was a lot of pushing against Eastern Religions with the last two lectures she had been through. Beau was clueless enough to ask why that was a big thing aside from the obvious part of Yasha being a theology major. Which had gone into the long talk about her Japanese heritage, Shinto, and the importance of not denouncing or shaming a different religion based on a biased. Beau had also, admittedly, not understood a word of it, but Yasha was impassioned and she wanted to listen.

“It was okay,” she replied shortly. And what was that. Beau had learned there was no way to really weasel more out of the other woman when she was decided on not talking. What Beau could infer was the lecture had not been as good as she hoped, but about as tedious as expected. 

Beau suddenly felt a sharp kick to her shin and winced. Nott was still working on her homework, but she was not so subtly hinting at saying something more. Between Nott and Fjord, they had been giving her people lessons. The results were mixed, but she was able to talk to her professor the other day without getting angry or aggressive with them. Baby steps, apparently. Nott had helpfully brought up how close they were to a cultural landmark, and one that tied in with what Yasha hoped to pursue for her graduate work when she was done with her bachelor’s. The woman swung back, but connected with air as Nott apparently tucked her legs up onto the seat in the event of retaliation.

“I uh,” Beau tried then stopped. Smooth. Nailed it. “I know I kind of shit the bed with you know… that last thing I-“ she stopped again when she felt the mental face-palm from Nott happen. “Wait, back that up. And. So like. You are studying the cultures that like… came from slaves and owner religions like, mixing and shit.” It was not the best description on what she was focused on, but Beau felt like she really deserved a gold star for remembering that much.

The smirk Yasha gave her was better than any gold star possible. So, Beau took a deep breath in and continued as the other woman was waiting to see where this was going.

“I… You know the Sea Islands. I mean. You live there, so like. Of course, you do but. I. Maybe you could… show me around Penn Island? I don’t really know… much. Of anything. But I mean, I’d like to see it if you want.” Her gaze had fallen from Yasha’s face to the back of her pen, which was bounding off the notebook paper she had been writing on. It was hitting hard enough that the indents were becoming visible.

“You’d like to see Penn School,” Yasha asked in a voice that was not so much disbelieving as it was in a bit of awe at the idea. It was enough for Beau to look up and give a shrug and a grin. “I’d like that, Beau,” she confirmed softly. Her lips twitched as a smile pulled out of the small smirk.

Beau blinked a few times. That had worked. The woman opened her mouth to talk when Yasha’s phone buzzed. The older woman looked down and back up suddenly. Her eyes had gone wide and she began to collect her things as she apologized. She had been expecting a few letters in the mail from the schools she applied to for graduate school, and Caleb texted to let her know they had arrived. Before she left the table, Yasha stopped and massaged her scalp with the pads of her fingers and huffed a heavy sigh out.

“I’ll let you know tonight when I’m free if you want,” she offered. Beau could only nod hastily. “Alright. I’ll talk to you later.”

Nott snorted after the door shut behind Yasha. It was joined by the slow clap normally associated with Molly’s sarcastic approval of an awkward interaction. As Molly was currently in class, something told her it was his roommate. She turned and looked up at Fjord, who was smirking and crossing his arms over his black apron and shiny name tag. His smirk said it all—he had heard the whole thing and was both proud she managed to go through with the idea to ask Yasha out on an actual date rather than just sit next to her when they all went to eat , and that she had sounded like a moron.

“Fuck you, Fjord. At least I said something.”

“Really, points for not actually bringing up the fight that nearly broke up the band. You are a master orator,” Fjord responded lightly. When Beau sighed heavily, his brows furrowed and he cocked his head. “What?”

“I just worry she thinks it’s not… that. Like. How do you deal with the whole socially awkward and not very expressive?” Beau ignored Nott’s snort and kept looking at Fjord. Who was dating the king of socially awkward and not very expressive.

“Does she text you, like even if you two seen each other that day,” Fjord asked. It seemed like a non sequitur, but she nodded. “When I was in Kansas she maybe texted Caleb four times, not including the drive Back?”

“So?”

“Beau, they’re best friends,” Nott chimed in finally. “She texts Molly maybe twice a week. But she has said something to you almost every day. At least on days you haven’t see each other.”

Beau was not following. And she told them as much. That admission received a set of eye rolls. “What, at least explain it instead of making me feel stupid!”

“Beau, take it from me, at least. If she is going out of her way to talk to you more than the two people she wanted to move in with, it’s probably not because you are on that level.” Beau still blinked stupidly, which made Fjord groan. “You. Are so very pretty.”

“Oh, don’t you fucking start with that, too. It’s bad enough when Molly does it.”

“Fjord. Stop. Beau. He’s saying Caleb did the same for him when they started talking. She was not smiling because she thinks this will be a fun time with the girls. Take the win.”

Beau blinked again and then smirked a bit. She looked up at Fjord, who rolled his eyes and headed back to the counter where a few girls were cooing over him. Her attention was back on Nott, who was staring back.

“I’m glad you didn’t mess that up, but you still have the rest of your homework to finish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I live. I am sorry this has been so late. I love you all, and I am in the final push of school. All of your comments and kudos have helped me both here and in schoolwork, so thank you for that. All of you. Your love and affection keeps my grades up and my mind going <3
> 
> And hey, look! Finally some fluff again!


	11. Begin Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha shows Beau a deep part of her history that shaped who the woman grew to be. In turn, Beau allows herself a moment of vulnerability. On the streets of Hilton Head, something changes.

Before coming to the island, Beau had no idea the significance of it. She realized that was the point. It was a part of history that she had no real connection to until Yasha. It was something that was taught in school and that she did projects on, but for Beau the intricacies of post-Civil War life for newly freed slaves was an intangible. But they had walked through the grounds of Penn Island under the warming sun of early spring. She had held the pamphlet of information in her hand the whole time, but Yasha had given a better tour than anyone working there. Part of it was her voice. Beau had always loved the breathy and deeper register to it. How it was one that pulled the listener in. Forced them to pay attention rather than reaching out to force the focus. A passive authority that worked, nonetheless. But there was the connection.

Yasha’s family had been in South Carolina for generations. They had been slaves sold through Charleston and ended up in the Sea Islands. Up until her father met and married a Japanese woman, they had been all natives to the Low Country and Northeastern Georgia area. She had relatives who attended Penn Island when the school opened. They had been actively tied to the Gullah traditions that came from the blending of cultures from Western Africa. As she spoke, Beau grasped better than before how much of Yasha’s desires and dreams was spurred by the knowledge of where she came from. Her love of world religions came from the way Slaves built their world and merged theirs and the religion of their masters to create something new.

It was the most they had ever said to each other in a day. Possibly even collectively by the time they got food on Lady’s Island. Beau never realized how little she actually knew about the woman, and how much of her infatuation had been based on gleamed fact and her confident nature. And once the information started to come, Beau could not get enough of it.

The focus shifted, however, to her own life. About her parents. Beau struggled to talk about it, but felt it was unfair to let Yasha open this door and not do the same. She stared at the sweet tea before her and twirled the hush puppy in her fingers as she tried to work out where to even begin.

“I wish I could say I have as much information as you do,” she finally began. “I probably would know more if my parents talked about their families. Or, in my mom’s case, to them. She’s French. That’s about all I know. The last time I saw her parents was… fuck. When I was 12, I think. My dad’s side is Polish. He’s a first generation, but his siblings moved back, and his parents died before I was born. He’s kind of an asshole, so I don’t talk to him more than needed.”

“In general, or just to you,” Yasha asked. She took one of the fried pickle spears and took a bite.

“Both, I guess. He and my mom had me to try and fix shit, but. Considering she’d in California and he’s in Florida, we see how that worked out. They wanted a boy. Jes was his little angel and when I came along, it was not what he hoped for.” She shrugged, aiming for nonchalant, and dropped back against the chair’s plastic cushion. “My mom was just glad I came out healthy.”

“You mentioned he pays for school, though?” She blinked when a harsh laugh was the response.

“It’d look bad to not pay for mine after he paid for Jessy’s, right? So, here I am. Getting an education. We spent most of our childhood with him after my mom left. We’re not bitter, or anything. We get it. And she always flew us out there once her life got set up.”

“What does she do now?”

“She does adult films,” Beau replied easily. She was not embarrassed by it. Her mother made good money, after all. And she worked for one of the actual professional companies, not some amateur _Couch Audition_ company. She did, however, smirk at the way Yasha looked startled. “Neither of them exactly have a ‘Bring Your Kid to Work’ type job.”

“No kidding.” Yasha shook her head and scratched her eyebrow. “My mom was a ‘Buy-Me-Drinkie’ girl in Okinawa. They’re paid to have Marines and whatnot spend money on them, hoping to get laid. My dad found out she wanted out of that life and to go to college, so they got married a month after meeting.”

“You were born in Japan, right?” Yasha nodded. “Have you gone back?”

“Twice. It’s expensive, so I told them to wait until I finish school. Give all three of us a chance to save. My dad’s retired now, but he still works.”

“You two seem close.” Yasha nodded and Beau smirked. “Don’t feel bad about it. I’m not jealous. Just kinda glad you had people there to shape you or whatever.”

“Take it you caused trouble?”

“I had my own seat in detention. I almost got expelled from too many suspensions at least three times. I got into Jujitsu in high school because my guidance counselor said, ‘I needed an outlet.’” Beau added the air quotes for effect.

“How’d that work out for you?”

“I actually got expelled for fighting.” When Yasha laughed, Beau grinned and looked down. The plates were put in front of them and Yasha thanked the waitress. “I like fighting, though. MMA is fun. I guess now it actually helps.”

“You’re pretty good,” Yasha commented. When Beau looked up, shocked that the other woman had seen her fight, Yasha was focused on buttering her food. If she were not do dark, Beau would put money on her blushing.

“Thanks. I, uh. I used to fight at the gym you did hoping to get paired with you.”

“You wanted me to fight you?” There was shock and humor in her tone now Beau shrugged, picked up her fork, and hunched over her plate.

“I’m a masochist.” That got a laugh from Yasha. Beau grinned victoriously and stabbed at her food.

They did not go back to the apartment right away. That had been the plan, but rather than head back to the school, Yasha continued south and drove them to one of the campy beach towns that was built around summer homes and tourism. They parked in one of the lots and headed out. It was not quite early evening yet, so the streets were bustling with the first arrivals for the season. It took a few trips into random stores for Beau to realize Yasha was subtly saying she did not want the day to end just yet. And Beau did not know what to do with that entirely. But she walked alongside the woman and smirked cockily at the eyes tracking her movement. She understood the inescapable desire to look. Hell, she remembered the first time she caught sight of Yasha. She had been adjusting the weights on a machine, sweating with headphones in, and a face of concentration. Beau had almost tripped over a bench she had been so distracted.

Now, she walked with unshakable confidence down the street and people just parted ways for her. It was hot.

 

For Yasha, she was afraid to let this day end. That when it was over, whatever had been brewing between them since Beau knocked on the door that morning would wade. She had never felt like the younger woman focused on her with that dedication. It had always felt fleeting and flighty. Today was not the same. Beau had listened and asked questions about everything. The conversations were not forced, but they also did not seem to end. It was both uplifting and terrifying to have all of that attention finally. Yasha wanted to believe that _maybe_ it could happen now. But she was also scared to let herself have that hope again.

It still hurt, even walking down the streets of Hilton Head and into the small shops. Yasha did not care lightly or easily. She had fallen for Beau and had let herself open up once. And it was too late when she realized they were not mentally in the same place. She understood it to a degree, but it was still painful. It still had felt like betrayal. And it was only through her accepting that, yes, she was young and stupid much like Molly had been at her age, that the woman felt ready to at least be friends again. As Caleb had pointed out, there was no just friends for Yasha with Beau. She had developed those emotions, That attachment. And it was there to stay. She could either learn to live with it or give it up. She had chosen to live with it.

Life changed. Her late-night conversations with Caleb were suddenly with both Caleb and Fjord. Cad, who was around more, gave such an introspective side to life that Yasha was forced to look at everything in new ways. And when Jester and Molly were injured by her ex, the side of Beau Jes always promised existed came out. The fierce loyalty. The stubborn dedication. Her own, unique brand of affection. She gave up much of the wild lifestyle with friends to stay by Jester and Molly’s sides through it all. She stayed there even after they were on the road to okay and moving on. Yasha wanted her to stay, but she was also afraid to ask.

Beau kept following, though. They went into gift shops and boutiques. They put on oversized sunhats, sunglasses, and visors meant for old ladies playing tennis. Beau even shocked Yasha by pulling her in for a few ridiculous photographs in store mirrors or selfies. After the seventh store they paused at a soft served shop. Beau’s was covered in sprinkles and Yasha’s with walnuts. It was light and easy. It felt so natural to let her hand rest on Beau’s hip and to feel the woman react almost instantly by leaning against the warmth. They said nothing, simply looked through the pictures and decided which to keep and which to delete. Beau paused over one Yasha barely remembered taking, but she was laughing in it. She was in a black and white sunhat with Jackie O glasses while Beau had on a visor upside-down and backwards with sports sunglasses making a forced tough face.

Her chest suddenly felt tight as she watched the thumb hover over the screen. She suddenly was able to see them as an outsider had the whole day. And she realized with almost every picture they were either wrapped around each other or Beau had been looking at her like she was something rare and good. She held her breath, scared to scatter the moment they had and watched as Beau navigated her phone. Not to delete it, but to post the image. She had no way of seeing the other woman’s face, but her jaw was clenched as a sign of stress and maybe worry. But her thumb danced across the screen easily. Cropping the image and moving passed the editing. It was only after Yasha read the caption that she felt herself exhale. _Best yet to come. #WCE_

Yasha tilted her head down enough to press her lips, closed mouthed, into Beau’s shoulder. She had yet to post it, and the unasked question hung in the air. Yasha took a few steadying breaths before speaking.

“If you can promise it will only be me,” she pressed quietly.

Beau was silent for a few seconds before submitting the picture. As it uploaded, the younger woman exhaled and turned her head to press her cheek to Yasha.

“I will fuck up,” she spoke dryly. “But that’s not how.” She shrugged and pocketed her phone. With her hand free now, her fingers laced with Yasha’s slowly. “I learned the hard way that’s something I never want to be again.”

Yasha knew Beau was destined to break her heart. She was young, rash, overdramatic, and aggressive. They would not be Caleb and Fjord or even Cad and Molly. All the same, she nodded. She’d take Beau for who she was, and the woman would have to accept Yasha as well.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst and I apologize. I am now in the last 4 months of schooling, and it has been kicking my butt. HOWEVER my writing this week will be much more efficient as we moved. And my only source of entertainment is... writing. As we have no internet aside from my phone. I am going to make up for lost time now that I have nothing but time!  
> Thank you so much everything, and I am sorry this took so long.  
> ALMOST A HISTORIAN THOUGH!


	12. Road to Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Midterms have come up, and the Mighty Nein are busy studying. Even amid the lack of contact, this attempt at being together is working out, and Yasha attempts to enjoy the idea of having someone.

It seemed on the heels of the trip to Penn Island came the stress of Midterms. They had become official, yes, but Yasha had not seen Beau for more than an hour or two since. Part of that was Yasha’s own fault. When it came to school, studying came first and everything else was second. She was still holding a 3.9 GPA, and she was determined to keep it from falling any further. It was also Nott’s fault, as she was forcing her roommate to study as much as possible. The group had learned the last set of exams that Beau detested studying on a level that was almost volatile. Because of this, Nott was playing the role of the mother hen, pecking her roommate into doing her study guides and readings so she was actually prepared. Despite much of the complaining Yasha got in the form of texts or Snaps, the older woman knew Beau was not actually mad about it. It was needed, and that was what mattered.

The apartment was crowded yet quiet. Fjord and Caleb spent most of their time there going over their coursework. Caleb was usually stuck in the books until either his boyfriend or Yasha reminded him to eat or take a break. Fjord, on the other time, seemed to skim through his work lightly and go about doing chores around the house he knew Caleb was going to forget about while in exam mode. The few times Molly had come over, he had climbed onto the couch and poked around his own paper until Fjord was done or he got a message from Cad or Jester. They had fallen into a pattern of almost domestic living that reflected what was to come in a few months. It was comforting to know that they could exist like that in relative peace, especially considering how rambunctious Molly could be.

Ever since the run-in with Lorenzo, there had been a shift in the youngest of the four. He had spent three days in the hospital after being told just one night. It turned out he had internal bleeding that had been missed. After that, he had crashed on their couch for an additional week because it was a better place to rest than the barracks. During that week was a constant parade of people checking in on him ranging from Cad to Darrow. He was not in any self-pitying mode, but the man had been subdued. More so, he had been worried about Jester. Jester, herself, had taken a hiatus from her social media life. Through Beau, Yasha heard she had lost almost 2,000 followers in her absence. In a bold choice, she did not take down any posts with Enzo to show abusive relationships were not always so easy to spot and not always displayed as they were. Her post and video received such polarized responses that Beau had almost broken her phone when she threw it across the room.

Today had been quiet. Yasha had taken her History of the Middle East course and was studying for her Early Religions. Molly and Fjord were sitting on the couch—the former’s legs sprawled over the latter’s—and Caleb was at work. She had Frumpkin sleeping at her side and a soft documentary was playing in the background on Netflix. They had consolidated onto one account for Netflix and Hulu to share and the Prime Video was Molly’s account on the laptop they hooked up to the TV at night. They had slowly started to make lists of what they would need for the new place. Molly was taking Caleb’s bed as Fjord and Caleb refuse to spend the next unknown number of months or years sharing a full. They knew they needed a new bedroom set for Molly and Fjord, a dining room set now that there was more than Yasha and Caleb standing at the center island, and more cookware. 

Their phones lit up at the same time, meaning the group chat was messaged. The must likely culprit was Beau complaining about Nott forcing her to study. Molly’s finger brushed over the screen of his phone before he snorted, shook his head and went back to his textbook.

“It amazes me she is in college,” Molly muttered. Unlike a few months ago, the tone in his voice when referring to Beau was light and fond as it was with Caleb.

“Her dad wouldn’t pay for trade school,” Yasha offered. “Her mom is paying for her student credit and housing and the books.”

“Seriously?” Yasha only nodded. “Fucking hell, at least I know why she was such an ass at first.”

“Why’s that,” Fjord asked. There was a smirk in his voice.

“Genetics.” Yasha smirked and shook her head, but did not take the bait. “Joining her in Florida for Spring Break?”

“She’s not going anymore,” Yasha answered and aimed for nonchalant. The silence was a reaction enough. “She’s staying here. We’re hitting up Myrtle Beach this weekend.”

“Really,” Molly purred with his eyebrows arched. “Bike Week?”

“Bike Week is on the inlet, not in Myrtle Beach.”

“Why’s that,” Fjord asked, looking up from his notes.

“Probably something to do with the partying and family friendly reasons,” Yasha replied and looked back to her book.

“Or rich people hating on tattooed rapscallions riding on loud machines.” Yasha did not say it, but Molly had a point there. It was actually never all that shocking when he had a point in regarding that. After all, he was a tattooed rapscallion himself. “Well that sounds fun.”

“She made it seem like Jester was going to be busy, anyway. And she didn’t want to visit her dad alone, so.”

Molly got oddly quiet about that and she looked up to see Fjord eying him curiously. They made eye contact and Fjord shrugged loosely.

They sat in silence for a while after that outside of the background noise from the documentary for a while. Fjord finished first, which was not surprising. He got up and moved to the kitchen and started getting food out o make dinner. Molly finished after that and stretched out in the space Fjord left and gave a low groan. Yasha did not have to look up to know that he was on his phone. She simply muted her phone in case he and Beau started to annoy each other in the group chat. Water ran and then turned off. The sound of pasta in a box shuffling around. A minute later, Fjord was wandering back to the living room and sitting next to Yasha instead. It felt nice. Like it had when She and Caleb moved in a year ago. It made her smirk a bit.

“What,” Fjord asked. She looked over to see him watching curiously.

“Just,” she paused and shrugged. “This is nice.”

“Don’t get sappy on us, Yasha. We can’t handle it,” Molly purred from his spot. Fjord threw a pillow at him in response.

“It just feel good to have us here,” she continued. “I am looking forward to the apartment.”

“Me too,” Fjord replied warmly. They both ignored the jokingly uncertain noise that Molly made. They both knew he did not mean it.

Another few minutes passed, and Fjord got up to check the pasta. The door opened and closed. Molly and Yasha looked up and saw Caleb give a weary smile at Fjord before looking at each other. He was due for a promotion, and Caleb had been stressed over that on top of midterms. He had a talk with the owner of the store today, and when he left that morning, he was still not sure if he wanted to take the position. Judging by the gentle and encouraging tone, he had agreed to after all. Molly rolled his eyes and flopped back down.

“So, you and Beau are legit this time,” he asked. There was no salt to his tone unlike the first time he had asked about it weeks ago. Yasha shrugged and looked at her books.

“We’re trying,” she looked up and away again. “It’s going to be rough, but she really does want to try.”

Molly hummed and looked over from where he was sprawled out. His eyes were critical as he tried judge how Yasha was feeling about it, so she looked back openly. It was not difficult for her to open herself up to Molly. Everyone else she still struggled with, but for Molly she was an open book. He stared for a moment then looked back to his phone. The lack of follow-up told her he was satisfied. A moment later, Caleb and Fjord began taking down plates in the kitchen. She stood up and Molly groaned but followed.

The kitchen was still far too small for them all, but the apartment lacked a true dining area, so they all stood around the island with plates in hand. There was never conversation during meals, but the television in the background. Yasha and Molly were resting against the stove across from Caleb and Fjord, who were against the other counter. She smirked as the boys across were knocking elbows lightly smiling. She wanted that, as much as Yasha tried to not let herself get wrapped in the idea of such a relationship. Remembering having Beau standing in the v of her legs, watching her scroll through their images together was something intimate. Something that really made her happy in a way Yasha admittedly was not used to with another person.

She dug her phone from her pocket and opened the conversation with Beau. It had been a few hours since she had complained about finishing the study guide for Biology.

 **Yasha:** You should come over tonight.

Before she could put the phone away, the lock screen lit up with a reply.

 **Beau:** Yeah? I still have a test tomorrow.

 **Beau:** Last one thank FUCKKK

 **Yasha:** Yeah. Bring your books and a change of clothes.

 **Beau:** :)

She tucked her phone away and kicked off the stove to put her dish in the sink. There was at least three days’ worth of dishes to be done, and she cringed. The new place had a dishwasher. Another way it was an improvement.

“When is the menace coming,” Molly asked right in her ear. She could hear the smirk in his voice and rolled her eyes.

“Were you reading over my shoulder,” she asked rhetorically and rinsed the plate off.

“Of course, I was. I need to protect your virtue. I can get her in your car.”

“You’re not allowed to drive my car.”

“I can take Caleb’s car,” Molly amended. She looked over at Caleb, who shrugged.

“He does not drive any worse than I did at 16,” Caleb replied.

“Fine, you can go pick Beau up from the dorms,” Yasha replied dryly. “Piss her off, and I’m deleting your paper.”

Molly gasped dramatically before walking away with a flourish. Fjord smirked and dumped his plate next to hers.

“Good to know he approves this time,” Fjord asked when the door shut.

Yasha smirked.

“Just don’t tell him that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. Not much to say on this one except like this time last year in Here's To Us, I am off to RTX next week! Anyone attending. I hope you have a great time! Keep an eye out for "Pockets," as well. ;)  
> You are all my life blood for writing and I love you all <3!


	13. For the Longest Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha and Beau Have a small vacation in Myrtle Beach where the former is able to see how times have changed. For her and in general.

It was not quite hot in the way that the people from the north were complaining about. Not in a way that made Yasha or Beau complain, but it was just enough to make wearing anything more than short sleeves a bit uncomfortable. It was Spring Break and they were in Myrtle Beach for a few days while the rest of their friends were either working or headed home to see family and friends. Jester had gone with Cad to Chicago and Molly had stayed behind for a few interviews as he would soon have to pay rent. The group had been reasonably concerned about the pair going on vacation alone. They had a rather tense first few weeks together, regardless of how easy and effortless it had been for them personally. Beau still had people trying to take advantage of her former free love situation, and Yasha had her friends questioning if Beau could be loyal or not. Both were reasonably insulted about the insinuations. And Yasha was more annoyed that the eyes were on Beau as the one to cause issues rather than herself. She got it, after all. The younger woman was not known for her monogamous ways. That being said, there was a lot more to her than most people wanted to see.

They had been in the inlet for two days now, and it was almost alarmingly relaxing for Yasha. Beau had, at some point, removed her books from their luggage. That left nothing but enjoying the time away from school as the only option. That or drive the three hours south just to get them again. Instead, they drove the entirety of the inlet counting how many mini golf places they passed on the main stretch (18), how many cheesy sports stores made for tourists who thought they would nee a kayak (7), and stopped at three different ice cream places. At night, Beau had convinced her to go out dancing and enjoying the nightlife more than the older woman normally would have. And today, they were sitting in a biker bar among those who were in town for Bike Week, waiting for their food to come.

It was a small, dark-wooded building with a sprawling open parking area that was little more than a grassy lot with vague suggestions at parking spots. There were a number of makeshift tents and booths out back for people to look through, as there were all along the inlet. Everything from basic shirts and attire to actual leather works such as vests and jackets to saddlebags. There were a few parts places for cosmetic items such as highway pegs or hangers, as well, but out back were a few handcrafted goods and an official photographer of the event. They had walked there from the place they had rented. No bike meant parking Yasha’s Honda would have been weird, but Beau was trying to learn more about how to go about purchasing a bike and getting her license. Most of her conversations have been with heavier-set men with thick beards and faded tattoos, but at the moment it was with one of the waitresses.

Yasha was not jealous, though she could tell the waitress was more interested in Beau than the conversation. The “uniform” of the bar was interesting, and definitely made Hooters seem more commercial than ever. Their girl, Tonya, had on riding chaps over a studded bikini bottom and a short, black halter top with a faded decal on it. Her hair was up and out of her face and no rings or bracelets on her hands, but the tan lines showed she was one to accessorize. Much like Tonya, the other girls were dressed like that. The two males working were in tank tops and fitted black jeans that almost seemed painted on. Beau was angled toward Yasha but was chatting away when the food runner brought their wings, onion rings, and fries over. The older woman looked down at her hands and noted how dusty her hands were from walking around the beach town and cringed.

“I’m going to wash my hands,” she told Beau, and figured that would be it. Instead, the younger woman, who had apparently noted the extra attention Tonya was offering, leaned back and pressed a quick kiss to her jawline.

Yasha smirked despite herself and headed to wash her hands. On her way out, she stopped at the jukebox in the corner. It was the same as the one in the bar Molly and Fjord frequented, so she had the app with credits purchased. She had hunched down a bit, leaning against the wall to pick some songs she knew Beau liked when someone approached. It was one of the guys who had been sitting at the bar. He was squat but buff with a shock of red hair and a blond beard. His scowl was apparent even under the scruff. When she did not acknowledge him, he moved more into her space. Yasha, with her slouch looked up slightly to make eye contact. She arched her brows in annoyance.

“See you and your bitch coming in here and distracting our girls,” he accused. Yasha showed no reaction, but she gathered he was a regular and had a thing for Tonya, or at least a thing for the lack of clothing. “You and your dike shouldn’t even be here.”

Yasha said nothing but watched him with the same even gaze. His words continued to spew out. She was black. She was gay. How he could get her ass beat if she came back in. They were not welcome. All throughout it, Yasha watched, patiently, without so much as blinking. It seemed the longer she stared, the more steam was spent and the guy was grasping at straws to make her feel unwanted or uncomfortable. His chest was still puffed out and shoulders set. Finally, Yasha picked the last song and brought herself to full height. It seemed the man had not calculated how her legs were splayed out and bent at the knee when approaching. Or how her shoulders had been pulled in. He watched as Yasha went from withdrawn and smaller than him to standing at her full height with shoulder and back straight. She still refused to blink as she pocketed her phone and stood staring down at him. When the next song started, Yasha raised her eyebrows.

“You are in my way,” she informed him in a low, threatening tone. A moment later he stepped to the side and she passed by without a look back.

Beau was still with Tonya when she got back to the table, but both were smirking at her. Tonya had backed up a step and was no longer leaning into her space. Either the woman had gotten the hint, or Beau had said something. It made Yasha feel a bit better about the spot they chose, the man at the jukebox excluded. But she still walked over to the table and took her seat.

“That was hot,” Beau informed her with a smirk. Tonya nodded.

“Is he always like that,” she asked as she took a fry and bit into it. She blinked and grabbed her water. Beau had already loaded them with salt.

“Mostly. We’d kick him out for good if he did not tip so well,” Tonya explained. She had the slight twang of someone more inland than Myrtle Beach. “Y’all need anything else? Looks like the lunch rush is hitting.”

“Nah, I think we’re good,” Beau said with a smile.

Tonya smiled and headed to a table of guys that had come in and proceeded to lean forward with her hands bracing her posture to show off her chest better to them. It worked as while she spoke, the men watched like her breathing was hypnotic. Yasha and Beau looked at each other and the younger girl rolled her eyes.

“You have to admit,” Beau pointed out. “She knows how to play an audience.”

Yasha nodded. She did. And she knew how to layoff, too, which was more important. They ate and watched the baseball game playing on a television hanging in the corner behind the bar. The interior was dark and cold looking with white lamps and sunlight acting as the illumination. The bar was bare, but Yasha was not drinking while out as Beau was still underage. They had stuff at the hotel room, after all. The food went without complaint and Tonya swung by a few more times to refill their sweet tea. On the way out the door, Yasha told the waitress they were in town for a few more days, so they’d swing by before leaving. She blinked shocked, then happy and said she would be working the next two days. Beau snickered and said she would be even more excited when she saw how much Yasha over-tipped.

“What’s with you and servers, anyway,” Beau asked. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses she got off a vendor and eating soft serve like a five-year-old.

“My mom was one for a long time,” Yasha explained. “And I did serving in high school and the first few years of college before I got my new job.”

“I’ve never had a job,” Beau mused. “Mom never pushed and wanted us to enjoy being kids. Dad just didn’t want to drive us everywhere until we got our own cars, so they just gave us shit.”

“I don’t think I needed one, really. I was well-off enough, but I wanted the independence from my parents. Have my own spending money.”

“And what did little Yasha spend money on?”

“Books.” When Beau laughed, Yasha smirked down at her own ice cream and felt the heat of a blush that did not show on her face. “Sometimes music, but mostly books.”

“Is that why you have your tablet everywhere,” Beau asked. Yasha nodded. “Just asking so I know what to get you. I mean. I’d get you like… whatever, but you like books, and they’re not something that just goes away like… lipstick or something.”

Yasha smirked and took Beau’s hand into hers. The younger woman coughed and became invested in her ice cream cone. It was a strange sense of being complete after the so long of not wanting this again. The ease of her pushing away the guy who had his homophobic comments. The comfort of being there next to Beau in public. It was all so different than high school where her one and only girlfriend had been pulled from her school after her parents found out. She had grown up until eighth grade in schools on military bases or base housing. In high school, she was part of the public-school system, and the world was bigger. It was different, and people were not so quick to make others feel wanted and welcome. In elementary school, everyone knew what it was like to have a friend for a year or two, only to move to a new state and a new school. Because of the constant movement, the girl had few childhood friends. That being said, the small children were not the type to push people away—they were all displaced too often to form that toxicity. In high school, she was new and strange. Born in Japan, not from the area, and had little grasp of local culture. It was just South Carolina, but it was a different world.

She had met her girlfriend in sophomore year, and they were quietly together for a few months when someone who wanted the position on the basketball team Yasha had found out. How, Yasha had no idea, but soon, her girlfriend told her they could not talk anymore. A month later, she was moved to a new school. That summer, Yasha found out she moved entirely. She had been with a few people since then, but most were men like Darrow. People who were socially okay to be seen with. Still, no one else had been her partner until Beau. It was a world of difference in how things changed. She had someone she could touch and hold in public, who wanted to apparently get her gifts. Things that would last. Yasha paused and squeezed Beau’s hands.

“I like flowers,” she informed her.

Beau looked up at her before looking around. The smaller woman dropped her hand and wandered off to a patch of bushes between a candle shop and a bookstore. After a moment, and one confused Yasha face, she came back with a small, white flower with five petals that formed a deep gully with a hint of purple at the base. Beau handed Yasha her cone and tucked the broken-off stem of the flower into one of the metal wraps that adorned her braids. She took the cone back and coughed. Her face was getting red in the moment, so Yasha just took her hand and they started walking again and listened to the sounds of motorcycle engines roaring from the various parking lots of the inlet’s main strip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, when you go to conventions (or work them) always take extra Vitamin C, wash your hands, and try not to get the con plague.  
> Also, I live.


End file.
